Today was to say the least a very stressful day. One social worker with forty beds is really too much to handle sometimes. Dealing with insurance companies, then dealing with patients that have no insurance and no money and need everything under the sun and then dealing with the patients who are just down right hateful and rude, it takes a lot of a person. So today as I was dealing with my stress, I was really letting it take over. I was letting my frustrations and feelings of bitterness take over. I'll be honest, on my way to lunch I stopped in my break room and grabbed a handful of brownies! I was so overwhelmed by that point that I could have easily eaten the whole pan. But luckily I didn't. All I wanted to do was drown my sorrows in food. In my mind- my old way of thinking was really pushing me and making me believe that if I ate all the sweet crap in the office, i would feel so much better. However my new lifestyle stepped in and knew better. I ended the day with a good cry in the office with my supervisor asking for help.
Now as I look back on my day I see so many signs that should have told me what I was doing was wrong. No wonder I sat there and drowned in bitterness, anger and despair. It's funny how little things throughout the day happen that should point you in the right direction- those little signs from God telling you to either slow down or turn the other way, however sometimes you get so caught up in your old ways you ignore what you should be seeing. I sat there and in my head asked for something to happen all day, and now that I look back, I see that it was right in front of me all the time. How crazy.
After lunch- and my brownie episode- I made a random phone call to schedule an appointment with the wound healing center for a patient. As I always do, I said, "hey, its Amanda in Social work" and started talking about what I needed. As I was about to hang up, the receptionist asked my how I was doing with my Dr. Oz challenge and that her mom follows my blog. It completely put a smile on my face did make me take a step back, however I kept pushing through everything by myself without paying any attention to what had happened. I just thought, oh wow that was very cool, but random. Then again when I called the operator to have a Dr. paged, the operator asked me how much weight I had lost and how I was doing. Then I really thought, wow this is crazy and cool, but just kept on going about my day. My final sign which completely made my day a little better for a few minutes was when a friend from the past called me at work and asked me to come and do life skill classes about nutrition and goal setting for a program with homeless families/single parents. I was so excited and still really am. I completely want to start doing things like this and start doing some motivational speaking. So this is a great way for me to start giving back. These three things randomly happened today and honestly should have made me realize that someone higher up was wanting me to step back and take a look at what I was doing. What have I been saying lately- I need to ask for help! I have to let things go that I have no control over or else I will start eating a cake pan of brownies at a time again! I can't please everyone! Why couldn't I have seen this when it happened today.
Everything really does happen for a reason. Now that I take a step back and look at the day, I know that all of these things happened for a reason today. God puts people and events in our lives to make us examine what we are doing and what paths we are going down. When random people started asking me how I was doing with my challenge- it should have been a clue that ya overall I'm doing great, but today sucks! - what can I do differently! I really have to change my attitude tomorrow and start asking for help- or else no one will want to work with me! I did ask for help for tomorrow and luckily I am getting help. Although I'm sure I will think that I can do it better- I'm not going to be a perfectionist anymore! I am going to gladly accept help that is given! I mean hey, if I hadn't of accepted the help so far, I would still be almost 300lbs and gaining!
~Amanda
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
redirecting!
So tonight I feel like crap- literally. I'm beginning to hate the holidays. I'm starting to work through my grief- everyday is a new day, a new day I face with the loss of my father. However as Christmas grows near- more and more food seems to appear all around me- and its not healthy food! Last week my mom came home with peppermint Ice cream- a favorite of mine that of course you can only get around Christmas- i begged my sister to eat it all but she didn't- so right now it's sitting in my freezer and although I don't open the door I still hear it calling my name! Then yesterday my step dad made chocolate covered peanuts, another favorite of mine. And of course at work, holiday parties are starting to take place left and right. Tonight was my department holiday party and where was it- at the Ameristar Buffet. This was probably the biggest buffet that I have ever seen in my life. I mean they had a dessert table that was the size of my kitchen alone. However instead of indulging in everything and becoming so overly stuffed and miserable like I would have normally done- I ate a salad and then turned to roasted turkey and fish with some rice. I did splurge and have a piece of sugar free chocolate cake. However because I ate this piece of chocolate cake or whatever it was- I want to throw up all over the place now. I'm starting to think that Ameristar lied and that there was sugar in it.
But as I was driving home I was feeling guilty for what I have eaten this week. I really haven't gone way off the deep end, however I have splurged a little here and there. Yesterday at another holiday dinner I ate a piece of dessert and immediately felt so ashamed afterwards. Its like that old feeling of shame coming back again. Like when I would overeat and thought people would judge me and knew I shouldn't, so I would isolate myself and feel ashamed of what I had done. I immediately wanted to run home and crawl on the couch- however I went to the gym instead, and luckily met up with one of my aerobic pals and worked out with her. Now as I sit here and think about it- I am actually proud of myself for recognizing that behavior and stopping it. I could have gotten right back into that vicious circle again- shame- isolation- overeating, however I stopped it and did something about it. I guess Ill be doing that a lot with all these damn holiday dinners coming up!
As a great support told me- I'm my biggest supporter- I have learned that I can be pretty hard on myself , however that is definitely something that I am trying to overcome. So a new thing that I will be doing everyday- getting up and looking in the mirror and telling myself how great and beautiful I am. Maybe this way I can stop the guilty feelings and build more of the positive ones. I think that is the only way I will begin to recognize my behaviors and stop them. If not I will just go right back to hating myself and weighing 300lbs. (thanks dustie!)
~Amanda
But as I was driving home I was feeling guilty for what I have eaten this week. I really haven't gone way off the deep end, however I have splurged a little here and there. Yesterday at another holiday dinner I ate a piece of dessert and immediately felt so ashamed afterwards. Its like that old feeling of shame coming back again. Like when I would overeat and thought people would judge me and knew I shouldn't, so I would isolate myself and feel ashamed of what I had done. I immediately wanted to run home and crawl on the couch- however I went to the gym instead, and luckily met up with one of my aerobic pals and worked out with her. Now as I sit here and think about it- I am actually proud of myself for recognizing that behavior and stopping it. I could have gotten right back into that vicious circle again- shame- isolation- overeating, however I stopped it and did something about it. I guess Ill be doing that a lot with all these damn holiday dinners coming up!
As a great support told me- I'm my biggest supporter- I have learned that I can be pretty hard on myself , however that is definitely something that I am trying to overcome. So a new thing that I will be doing everyday- getting up and looking in the mirror and telling myself how great and beautiful I am. Maybe this way I can stop the guilty feelings and build more of the positive ones. I think that is the only way I will begin to recognize my behaviors and stop them. If not I will just go right back to hating myself and weighing 300lbs. (thanks dustie!)
~Amanda
Friday, December 4, 2009
grief
So its been a few weeks since my last post- I have to admit I think I have been kinda avoiding it. I went to New York which was amazing and then the show aired which I thought turned out great and then it was kinda over. I had been having this mindset of 60 days, work out hard core for 60 days, lose as much weight for 60 days- and now that those 60 days are done I felt a little lost. I mean the whole time during those 60 days I have been saying that this is my life style change and I have to continue this beyond those 60 days- but in reality Dr. Oz isn't going to be here my whole life coaching me and pushing me along. Granted the show said they wanted to continue to follow me- but who knows- they could get canceled next week for all I know and then I'm all on my own again. So I started on my journey of grief. The wonderful grief that I can never get away from. I have said from the beginning that I believe that everything is a grieving process- the loss of my lifestyle and food is a huge emotional battle that I face everyday. However now I have to add in the fact that I am losing my 60 days of fame and support. Even though I have tons of support all around me here- it was a different sense of motivation I got from their phone calls checking in and emails.
To top it all off what had to be right after the show- Thanksgiving! Now I will say I did eat really good. I splurged a little - but stuck to things that I knew I could eat. I had gone so long not eating white flour that when I ate at my families house on Thanksgiving I got a headache from eating white rolls, gravy made with white flour and egg noodles. But the morning of I was very proud of myself for participating in my first 5k- the Turkey Trot in Parkville! It was actually a lot of fun and pretty rewarding. However during that weekend my grief hit me once again and pretty hard. It slowly crept in on black Friday when I went shopping. This is the first year without my father. He passed away in March and I know it is because of him and God that I have received all these blessings- however why I thought the holidays wouldn't be so bad I have no idea. As I was shopping- I found so many things that I immediately thought- "This would have made a good Christmas gift for Dad". And as I made my list out for everyone that I had bought for this year, a huge blank spot was left where his name should have been. When I went to my aunts house on Sat to celebrate- just driving through his hometown sent me into a mental breakdown. It is so much harder than I could ever imagine.
So here I am once again on a roller coaster of grief. Once I feel like I am going up and doing good, a wave of grief comes and knocks me right back down. I know eventually the waves will get smaller, but in the meantime- their pretty damn hard to deal with sometimes. However I know I am on the right track because instead of running to food to deal with it I am exercising or finding other things that I am enjoying. I am still exercising everyday and after talking with some people who are good supporters I am making it my goal to make each aerobics group rather than making excuses to skip them when I feel like doing so. It's amazing what I can still talk myself into doing or not doing and I still need that accountability. No matter how long I keep doing this, I think I will still be my biggest enemy! Even when I don't feel like talking I know I have to- in order to stay in a healthy frame of mind. Its so easy to curl back up in that ball and not let anyone in.
So right now I weighed in at 254.5- 41.5 lbs down! I'm taking everyday at a time and making it a goal to talk and attend every aerobics class that I say I'm going to!
~Amanda
To top it all off what had to be right after the show- Thanksgiving! Now I will say I did eat really good. I splurged a little - but stuck to things that I knew I could eat. I had gone so long not eating white flour that when I ate at my families house on Thanksgiving I got a headache from eating white rolls, gravy made with white flour and egg noodles. But the morning of I was very proud of myself for participating in my first 5k- the Turkey Trot in Parkville! It was actually a lot of fun and pretty rewarding. However during that weekend my grief hit me once again and pretty hard. It slowly crept in on black Friday when I went shopping. This is the first year without my father. He passed away in March and I know it is because of him and God that I have received all these blessings- however why I thought the holidays wouldn't be so bad I have no idea. As I was shopping- I found so many things that I immediately thought- "This would have made a good Christmas gift for Dad". And as I made my list out for everyone that I had bought for this year, a huge blank spot was left where his name should have been. When I went to my aunts house on Sat to celebrate- just driving through his hometown sent me into a mental breakdown. It is so much harder than I could ever imagine.
So here I am once again on a roller coaster of grief. Once I feel like I am going up and doing good, a wave of grief comes and knocks me right back down. I know eventually the waves will get smaller, but in the meantime- their pretty damn hard to deal with sometimes. However I know I am on the right track because instead of running to food to deal with it I am exercising or finding other things that I am enjoying. I am still exercising everyday and after talking with some people who are good supporters I am making it my goal to make each aerobics group rather than making excuses to skip them when I feel like doing so. It's amazing what I can still talk myself into doing or not doing and I still need that accountability. No matter how long I keep doing this, I think I will still be my biggest enemy! Even when I don't feel like talking I know I have to- in order to stay in a healthy frame of mind. Its so easy to curl back up in that ball and not let anyone in.
So right now I weighed in at 254.5- 41.5 lbs down! I'm taking everyday at a time and making it a goal to talk and attend every aerobics class that I say I'm going to!
~Amanda
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
60 day update
So I just got back home from my 60 day update show in New York, which was amazing!!! I had so much fun! I have to say I love New York- all the hustle and bustle- bright lights and interesting people! But anyways- I flew out Monday morning and spent most of the day in the NBC studios, doing medical testing and visiting with some of the producers. All of the producers were really excited to see us, as we were them, and they could really tell the difference we have made. All four of us, Rod, Leann, Deborah and myself who were featured on the first show all look and act completely different. It was so great to hear from the producers that they all noticed how happier I was. One even told me that I have a new sparkle in my eyes! After visiting the studio, we did some sight seeing- unfortunately there was not alot of time so we walked around and saw Christmas storefronts and saw Macy's Christmas tree and decorations. It was all so beautiful. We finished the night with dinner at an Italian Piano bar (still making healthy choices) and then one last walk to Time Square- where I was hit on by a very attractive man and if I was in New York one more night I would have let him take me out, but maybe next time!!!
The next day was started bright and early - off to the studio to begin filming the show. I was taken to hair and make-up and after a little hair disaster, I felt as beautiful as ever! (My hair became static at the last minute so all my hair began to stand straight up on top of my hair! Rod was kind enough to text one of the producers saying there was an emergency in the dressing room and Brett and Annie came to my rescue!!! - So hair problem fixed! ) We got dressed and headed for the back stage. It was so amazing because as I was standing there in the back waiting to go on, I was watching my introduction and it showed some of the clips from the first show- me stuffing my face with cherry pies and feeling horrible about myself and I literally started crying. Of course they all got mad at me because I was ruining my make-up right before I was about to go on, but I saw a completely different person on that t.v than I am now. I really could tell how unhappy I was and how much I didn't like myself.
After talking with Dr. Oz and Bob and the producers it made me realize how great I was doing. I mean I knew that I was doing great, but to see the person I have become in just a little over two months is amazing. As I told Dr. Oz I have been on an emotional journey that has been so much more than my physical journey. All together there were around 20 people that went back to new York, some I knew were doing so good and others I knew were struggling. I want to hope that all of them will continue to do good, but I know that some of them are still struggling with the emotional component of the process. I could still tell that some of them didn't love themselves yet. You have to love yourself before allowing yourself to change. If not you will never think you are worth the change. Something that I have finally learned.
I am proud to say that I weighed in at 261- down 34lbs- dropping the most weight out of anyone in the original 35 that was on the challenge!!! I feel wonderful! I have alot more to go but I am on such a great start! Flying out of New York, I felt a little sad- knowing that the 60 days was over, however I have learned more about myself in these 60 days than my whole life it seems. In the scheme of things, its just the beginning. I told the producers that I will get to my goal weight and lose 120lbs and when I do I will be back! I cant wait!
~Amanda
The next day was started bright and early - off to the studio to begin filming the show. I was taken to hair and make-up and after a little hair disaster, I felt as beautiful as ever! (My hair became static at the last minute so all my hair began to stand straight up on top of my hair! Rod was kind enough to text one of the producers saying there was an emergency in the dressing room and Brett and Annie came to my rescue!!! - So hair problem fixed! ) We got dressed and headed for the back stage. It was so amazing because as I was standing there in the back waiting to go on, I was watching my introduction and it showed some of the clips from the first show- me stuffing my face with cherry pies and feeling horrible about myself and I literally started crying. Of course they all got mad at me because I was ruining my make-up right before I was about to go on, but I saw a completely different person on that t.v than I am now. I really could tell how unhappy I was and how much I didn't like myself.
After talking with Dr. Oz and Bob and the producers it made me realize how great I was doing. I mean I knew that I was doing great, but to see the person I have become in just a little over two months is amazing. As I told Dr. Oz I have been on an emotional journey that has been so much more than my physical journey. All together there were around 20 people that went back to new York, some I knew were doing so good and others I knew were struggling. I want to hope that all of them will continue to do good, but I know that some of them are still struggling with the emotional component of the process. I could still tell that some of them didn't love themselves yet. You have to love yourself before allowing yourself to change. If not you will never think you are worth the change. Something that I have finally learned.
I am proud to say that I weighed in at 261- down 34lbs- dropping the most weight out of anyone in the original 35 that was on the challenge!!! I feel wonderful! I have alot more to go but I am on such a great start! Flying out of New York, I felt a little sad- knowing that the 60 days was over, however I have learned more about myself in these 60 days than my whole life it seems. In the scheme of things, its just the beginning. I told the producers that I will get to my goal weight and lose 120lbs and when I do I will be back! I cant wait!
~Amanda
Monday, November 9, 2009
new goals
So as I am working on my thinking and emotions, of course I'm still working on my physical health as well. Today I did something in the gym that I have never really done in a long time. I actually ran on the treadmill! I mean I didn't run a mile or anything, but I ran for minute intervals, getting my heart rate going! I walked out of the gym feeling pretty proud of myself! I didn't think that two months ago I would be working out 6-7 days a week let alone running. I mean its funny because when I look back in high school I played soccer and ran 4-5 miles easily when I practiced or was in a game and it seemed so easy to me, however now when I do it, 4-5 minutes of running nearly sends me into a heart attack. Yesterday I was jump roping all together for about 10 minutes and I literally thought I was going to throw up all over the gym. I laughed because in 2nd grade that's all I use to do was jump rope, but now at 264lbs it nearly sends me into a stroke. However I do have to say, I have seen so much improvement in myself over the past two months in the amount that I am able to do. I am slowly building up my endurance.
As I approach my 60 days I look back and realize that I have accomplished alot, both physically and emotionally. Today as I was talking with a lady in my aerobics class, she was discussing how she cannot get past the emotional struggle with her food problems. She told me that even at the age of 62 she still doesn't truly know how to take care of herself, or how to love herself. Standing there I felt so fortunate that I am going through this process now rather than 40 years from now. I may actually have a chance of being truly happy with myself. But the question arises- why are so many people fighting this same battle?
Over and over again I hear, I feel the same way- I don't love myself, or my problem is emotional eating, or I don't know how to put my needs first. Whats the answer? I mean I really felt as though I was hiding it well, I played the role so good that my wall was built up around me and I made everyone think that I was perfect or had everything put together (or so I thought I did!), but in reality I don't think I was hiding it at all. Pushing past my fears of stepping out behind my wall was my turning point, allowing myself to break free from my comfort of negativity. But I am so glad that I have done it. I can't explain how happy I am with myself. Now of course, I still have my negative thinking moments- my relapses- but I learn to work through those, or I'm learning to work through them I should say. I guess it's only natural after 25 years of thinking that way not to revert back to that every once in a while!
Going through this process and realizing all that I have accomplished and keep accomplishing, really shows that if I can do it, anyone can do it! It really does touch me every time I hear someone say, I feel the same way. I so want to help them. (social worker coming out in me!) But I guess I realize how miserable I felt so I know how miserable they must feel as well, and now that I am truly happy I so want this for everyone!
So new goals- keep losing weight of course but I have decided that i want to run a marathon! I am going to start training for that! yay!
~Amanda
As I approach my 60 days I look back and realize that I have accomplished alot, both physically and emotionally. Today as I was talking with a lady in my aerobics class, she was discussing how she cannot get past the emotional struggle with her food problems. She told me that even at the age of 62 she still doesn't truly know how to take care of herself, or how to love herself. Standing there I felt so fortunate that I am going through this process now rather than 40 years from now. I may actually have a chance of being truly happy with myself. But the question arises- why are so many people fighting this same battle?
Over and over again I hear, I feel the same way- I don't love myself, or my problem is emotional eating, or I don't know how to put my needs first. Whats the answer? I mean I really felt as though I was hiding it well, I played the role so good that my wall was built up around me and I made everyone think that I was perfect or had everything put together (or so I thought I did!), but in reality I don't think I was hiding it at all. Pushing past my fears of stepping out behind my wall was my turning point, allowing myself to break free from my comfort of negativity. But I am so glad that I have done it. I can't explain how happy I am with myself. Now of course, I still have my negative thinking moments- my relapses- but I learn to work through those, or I'm learning to work through them I should say. I guess it's only natural after 25 years of thinking that way not to revert back to that every once in a while!
Going through this process and realizing all that I have accomplished and keep accomplishing, really shows that if I can do it, anyone can do it! It really does touch me every time I hear someone say, I feel the same way. I so want to help them. (social worker coming out in me!) But I guess I realize how miserable I felt so I know how miserable they must feel as well, and now that I am truly happy I so want this for everyone!
So new goals- keep losing weight of course but I have decided that i want to run a marathon! I am going to start training for that! yay!
~Amanda
Monday, November 2, 2009
Every week is a new challenge, a new learning process and a new beginning. This week I hit my 30lb weight loss. I have to say that this is more than I have ever lost on any diet I have ever been on. I usually hit my plateau after about 20-25lbs and then give up. But I stuck with it and pushed past the plateau. I'm so excited to make it past the twenties and into the thirties; territory that I have never been in. With this new territory comes things that I have started facing in my relationships and personal life. Things that I haven't wanted to face but realize that for me to truly be healthy, I have to.
I realized this week that I truly do have an addiction. I mean I had always said that, but for the first time I think that it finally clicked with me. I keep going back to what I know best- social work- substance abuse counseling- and I found myself saying the exact same thing that I would say to anyone of my clients when talking about addiction and relapse prevention. It was easy for me to say that I was an emotional eater. When I felt unpleasant emotions or even pleasant emotions I ate. However what I didn't realize was all the negative thinking, manipulation and deception that came with those emotions and eating. The number one thing that a person with an addiction has to realize is that relapse happens before taking the first hit of whatever drug it is or for me eating the first cherry pie or cupcake. It begins with the thinking. When the negative thinking happens, a relapse has already occurred. Once that thinking starts, its so hard to make it stop. Something that I truly realized this week.
I know I hide my true feelings from a lot of people, or at least I think I do. I got sucked into this horrible pattern this week of thinking that I wasn't good enough again. I let one incident with a stupid guy give me the opening to begin to tear down my confidence and self image and begin thinking that I was ugly, and not worth it for anyone. I kept catching myself thinking this and trying to stop but once it started, it was so hard to stop. The moment I started thinking this, I instantly thought of food. That's all I wanted- food. Instead of going for unhealthy food, I kept redirecting my thoughts and avoided junk food, one- cuz I knew it would make me sick and two- I really wanted the thirty pounds! But after a while of redirecting and avoiding, I was emotionally drained. I know why relapse is so easy - no one can sit there and keep doing this forever and ever without talking with someone and getting help. It made me realize that I still have a lot to work on.
So how do you instantly change your thinking? I know that by building my self image and confidence it is slowly starting to change. I know it won't happen overnight, a slow process in deed. However how do I avoid relapse. I never thought I would be figuring this one out for myself! I have taught this class so many times! I know that for me I have to stop hiding. This experience has shown me that there are tons of people that are in my life supporting me! It was funny because today at work I was training a new Social Worker and I said something to her about me being very opinionated and voicing that often and all the nurses began laughing - knowing me too well! Its so easy for me to be opinionated about irrelevant things, now I need to become opinionated about my life. Hopefully that will begin to come!
~Amanda
I realized this week that I truly do have an addiction. I mean I had always said that, but for the first time I think that it finally clicked with me. I keep going back to what I know best- social work- substance abuse counseling- and I found myself saying the exact same thing that I would say to anyone of my clients when talking about addiction and relapse prevention. It was easy for me to say that I was an emotional eater. When I felt unpleasant emotions or even pleasant emotions I ate. However what I didn't realize was all the negative thinking, manipulation and deception that came with those emotions and eating. The number one thing that a person with an addiction has to realize is that relapse happens before taking the first hit of whatever drug it is or for me eating the first cherry pie or cupcake. It begins with the thinking. When the negative thinking happens, a relapse has already occurred. Once that thinking starts, its so hard to make it stop. Something that I truly realized this week.
I know I hide my true feelings from a lot of people, or at least I think I do. I got sucked into this horrible pattern this week of thinking that I wasn't good enough again. I let one incident with a stupid guy give me the opening to begin to tear down my confidence and self image and begin thinking that I was ugly, and not worth it for anyone. I kept catching myself thinking this and trying to stop but once it started, it was so hard to stop. The moment I started thinking this, I instantly thought of food. That's all I wanted- food. Instead of going for unhealthy food, I kept redirecting my thoughts and avoided junk food, one- cuz I knew it would make me sick and two- I really wanted the thirty pounds! But after a while of redirecting and avoiding, I was emotionally drained. I know why relapse is so easy - no one can sit there and keep doing this forever and ever without talking with someone and getting help. It made me realize that I still have a lot to work on.
So how do you instantly change your thinking? I know that by building my self image and confidence it is slowly starting to change. I know it won't happen overnight, a slow process in deed. However how do I avoid relapse. I never thought I would be figuring this one out for myself! I have taught this class so many times! I know that for me I have to stop hiding. This experience has shown me that there are tons of people that are in my life supporting me! It was funny because today at work I was training a new Social Worker and I said something to her about me being very opinionated and voicing that often and all the nurses began laughing - knowing me too well! Its so easy for me to be opinionated about irrelevant things, now I need to become opinionated about my life. Hopefully that will begin to come!
~Amanda
Sunday, October 25, 2009
plateau
So this weekend was a blast, I have been stepping out of my comfort level and doing new things. I had a hard week on the scale- I plateaued- I didn't lose anything, but I didn't gain anything either. I think because I was struggling so much with lunch that I really didn't eat very good this week. And I know I cant always lose 5lbs a week anyways. Honestly I'm pretty proud of myself because I'm not too terribly mad. I am happy with my 26lbs so far and Ill try this week to make it to 30!
This weekend I attended the psychic convention in town! It was a lot of fun! I got two readings by two different psychics and both were pretty right on. My tarot cards said that I was rebuilding my life, taking out the pain of past hurt and letting a new center come in to build a better life from the inside out. After this happens I will be a beautiful person and feel completely confident in myself- which is what I'm doing! The other psychic read my energy and said that she saw a lot of travel and a very fast pace life right now. She said that I was also on a path that would lead me to a stage with huge curtains to unveil myself in front of a lot of people. She said that I have been looking at life through binoculars, just watching as a spectator but now I'm finally starting to jump in and enjoy! Which I also thought was pretty right on! It was a lot of fun regardless!
After the psychic fair- I headed over to chubby's to have dinner with the group of people from Missouri that was on the show. It was good to see everyone and everyone is doing great. Deborah- the one with the daughters- she has lost 30lbs so far! She looks great, well everyone looks great! I'm so proud and happy for everyone. You really could just see the sparkle in all our eyes! But I had my reservations about going beforehand. I mean when the show called me this week and told me to meet at Chubby's I was pretty much yelling at one of the producers asking him why? I thought there was nothing healthy at Chubby's at all. I mean 6 weeks ago I would have been all too happy to go, but now, I don't think so! But as we began to order I did realize that there were some healthy options that we could get. I got a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with a side salad with low fat dressing. To our surprise Dr. Oz came out and served our food! He went over our menu choices and talked about our progress. He gave us suggestions of other things that could have been substituted and things that could be asked for as well. It was really nice and he took the time to discuss menu options with us. We had a good time with him!
To wrap the weekend up, I went to the Chiefs game! I was a little hesitant at first because of my last horror story with the Royals! We did tailgate but instead of bringing crap, we brought veggies, fruit and healthy chicken soup. It was delicious, and we had a lot of fun except when it started raining and the Chiefs began losing terribly! Oh well, I think the main thing was that I learned that I could tailgate and do those kinds of events without having anxiety and without eating crap!
I feel like I'm finally coming out from behind my wall again. I have been so active lately and enjoying myself again that I feel so good about myself. I have been missing this in my life for so long. I have finally regained my self confidence again! I know I still have some missing, but it is slowly all coming back!
~Amanda
This weekend I attended the psychic convention in town! It was a lot of fun! I got two readings by two different psychics and both were pretty right on. My tarot cards said that I was rebuilding my life, taking out the pain of past hurt and letting a new center come in to build a better life from the inside out. After this happens I will be a beautiful person and feel completely confident in myself- which is what I'm doing! The other psychic read my energy and said that she saw a lot of travel and a very fast pace life right now. She said that I was also on a path that would lead me to a stage with huge curtains to unveil myself in front of a lot of people. She said that I have been looking at life through binoculars, just watching as a spectator but now I'm finally starting to jump in and enjoy! Which I also thought was pretty right on! It was a lot of fun regardless!
After the psychic fair- I headed over to chubby's to have dinner with the group of people from Missouri that was on the show. It was good to see everyone and everyone is doing great. Deborah- the one with the daughters- she has lost 30lbs so far! She looks great, well everyone looks great! I'm so proud and happy for everyone. You really could just see the sparkle in all our eyes! But I had my reservations about going beforehand. I mean when the show called me this week and told me to meet at Chubby's I was pretty much yelling at one of the producers asking him why? I thought there was nothing healthy at Chubby's at all. I mean 6 weeks ago I would have been all too happy to go, but now, I don't think so! But as we began to order I did realize that there were some healthy options that we could get. I got a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with a side salad with low fat dressing. To our surprise Dr. Oz came out and served our food! He went over our menu choices and talked about our progress. He gave us suggestions of other things that could have been substituted and things that could be asked for as well. It was really nice and he took the time to discuss menu options with us. We had a good time with him!
To wrap the weekend up, I went to the Chiefs game! I was a little hesitant at first because of my last horror story with the Royals! We did tailgate but instead of bringing crap, we brought veggies, fruit and healthy chicken soup. It was delicious, and we had a lot of fun except when it started raining and the Chiefs began losing terribly! Oh well, I think the main thing was that I learned that I could tailgate and do those kinds of events without having anxiety and without eating crap!
I feel like I'm finally coming out from behind my wall again. I have been so active lately and enjoying myself again that I feel so good about myself. I have been missing this in my life for so long. I have finally regained my self confidence again! I know I still have some missing, but it is slowly all coming back!
~Amanda
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
lunch challenges
So this week I have a new challenge: Lunch. I have found that I am getting sick of lunch every day. When it comes lunch time whether its at home or work, I dread going to the kitchen or the cafeteria. Usually I bring my lunch everyday to work, but lately I have not been satisfied with anything that I have been eating or bringing. Veggie burgers are boring and not appetizing to me right now, Im sick of tuna, salads sound gross and Im definately getting sick of jello. I dont know what my deal is. Im in a funk. I dont have a problem with breakfast or dinner. But lunch- is oh so miserable right now!
I think my taste buds are still messed up from all my sinus crap that went on last week, because nothing tastes good. (well at least im hoping its from me being sick!) But unfortunately I think i was kind of anticipating something like this. I mean I have been doing so good for so long- almost 6 weeks and to think that it was all going to be a down hill road was not realistic. I guess I expected some sort of bump in the road, whether it was bad cravings or boredom! But when I really think about it 6 weeks ago i was really eating the same thing over and over. Stopping at the same fast food restaurant each day or eating the same grilled cheese and curly fries in the cafeteria every day would soon get old right? Maybe it was the high fat content or grease content that held its appeal! But why didn't I get bored with that?
I think ultimately it still comes back to my thinking. My mind's upset that I will never be able to have those things again and wanting those things back in my life. My grief over my long lost food is still never ending, as I am still battling with the loss of my bestest friends! I can feel myself actually slipping into a sadness over it- I actually become sad when I know I have to eat lunch. I have felt myself not being my usual happy self. Again a stage in my grief process kicking in. But I think Im slowly learning that food is not everything. Its not all I have in my life anymore. Obviously my huge wealth of family and friends have shown me that! But again, a process that will take time.
So game plan for now- find new lunch ideas. I'm in the process of looking for new food choices for lunch. Any ideas>?
~Amanda
I think my taste buds are still messed up from all my sinus crap that went on last week, because nothing tastes good. (well at least im hoping its from me being sick!) But unfortunately I think i was kind of anticipating something like this. I mean I have been doing so good for so long- almost 6 weeks and to think that it was all going to be a down hill road was not realistic. I guess I expected some sort of bump in the road, whether it was bad cravings or boredom! But when I really think about it 6 weeks ago i was really eating the same thing over and over. Stopping at the same fast food restaurant each day or eating the same grilled cheese and curly fries in the cafeteria every day would soon get old right? Maybe it was the high fat content or grease content that held its appeal! But why didn't I get bored with that?
I think ultimately it still comes back to my thinking. My mind's upset that I will never be able to have those things again and wanting those things back in my life. My grief over my long lost food is still never ending, as I am still battling with the loss of my bestest friends! I can feel myself actually slipping into a sadness over it- I actually become sad when I know I have to eat lunch. I have felt myself not being my usual happy self. Again a stage in my grief process kicking in. But I think Im slowly learning that food is not everything. Its not all I have in my life anymore. Obviously my huge wealth of family and friends have shown me that! But again, a process that will take time.
So game plan for now- find new lunch ideas. I'm in the process of looking for new food choices for lunch. Any ideas>?
~Amanda
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Catching up!
So after my amazing weekend last week with Bob and my thirty day update with the producers, I came down with some sinus/bronchitis crap that really kept me in bed all week. I don't want to say the flu(its the forbidden word right now!) but it really did feel like it! I think because I was so exhausted from the weekend and me being sick, I was so weak that I literally couldn't get out of bed for a couple of days straight. I missed some work and didn't work out or exercise all week. I felt horrible. I honestly didn't even have the strength to take a shower- I know a little gross! I still managed to lose four pounds though- probably because I was too weak to get out of bed to eat! But hey Ill take it! I'm feeling much better now and was back to work on Friday. I was even out in public at a scrapbook thing on Friday and sat! But unfortunately I haven't been able to exercise! But tomorrow is a new week which will put me back on track and I will be able to once again get back to my routine.
I honestly can say that I have felt a little lost without my schedule. Like today I got up and went to church and decided to come home and watch some movies and rest up for work tomorrow. But I have had the urge to eat constantly all day. I haven't but because I am not constantly doing something and have been out of a routine all this week it has been hard for me to control my temptations. I have noticed that once I allow myself to do something a little, I do it to the extreme. Before I was only drinking water, this week because I was sick I started drinking orange juice and now I feel like I need to drink orange juice all the time. I think this shows me that if I were to go back to eating fats and sugars or fast food all the time, I wouldn't stop. Sometimes I find myself saying, well once I lose all my weight I can splurge more and eat this or that, but the reality is I can't. That's why I say over and over this is a lifestyle change not a diet. Because once I start allowing myself to splurge I will keep doing it more and more and soon Ill be back to 295lbs or higher.
Unfortunately the reality of it is that its an addiction. An addiction that I will battle with my whole life. In church today, it was interesting because the pastor was talking about actually standing up and fighting for causes and making a difference in life, rather than just letting life pass you by. With this whole experience I've learned that this is my cause. Obviously I've always been able to help others and advocate for things I believe in, but this is different. I'm actually excited about getting people motivated about making healthy changes. I'm excited to change for the first time in my life. It really feels great.
So tomorrow back to my routine and back to my new way of life!
~Amanda
I honestly can say that I have felt a little lost without my schedule. Like today I got up and went to church and decided to come home and watch some movies and rest up for work tomorrow. But I have had the urge to eat constantly all day. I haven't but because I am not constantly doing something and have been out of a routine all this week it has been hard for me to control my temptations. I have noticed that once I allow myself to do something a little, I do it to the extreme. Before I was only drinking water, this week because I was sick I started drinking orange juice and now I feel like I need to drink orange juice all the time. I think this shows me that if I were to go back to eating fats and sugars or fast food all the time, I wouldn't stop. Sometimes I find myself saying, well once I lose all my weight I can splurge more and eat this or that, but the reality is I can't. That's why I say over and over this is a lifestyle change not a diet. Because once I start allowing myself to splurge I will keep doing it more and more and soon Ill be back to 295lbs or higher.
Unfortunately the reality of it is that its an addiction. An addiction that I will battle with my whole life. In church today, it was interesting because the pastor was talking about actually standing up and fighting for causes and making a difference in life, rather than just letting life pass you by. With this whole experience I've learned that this is my cause. Obviously I've always been able to help others and advocate for things I believe in, but this is different. I'm actually excited about getting people motivated about making healthy changes. I'm excited to change for the first time in my life. It really feels great.
So tomorrow back to my routine and back to my new way of life!
~Amanda
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Amazing!!!!
So I think I just had the most amazing day ever!!! Without spoiling everything I taped my thirty day progress for the Dr. Oz show today. It was great. I think I'm actually speechless! I had been so excited for all the producers to come into town this week and I was so anxious to see them. Although I love Dr. Oz and Bob, I love Dr. Oz's producers too! They have been doing so much behind the seen work with me that has really meant so much to me. The weekly phone calls and the support has continued to motivate me and inspire me to keep going. I was so happy to finally get to see them again! I honestly didn't sleep at all last night- I really had no idea what to expect and boy was I in for a huge surprise!
I was able to incorporate my co-workers in with the taping this time. We taped at the hospital and although they knew exactly what was going on, it was all a surprise to me. As we were taping a special guests appears and I was so overjoyed to see him. There in the hospital was Bob Harper! It was great. I was able to sit down and actually talk to him about what I had been doing over the past thirty days. He was so impressed with the progress I was making. He was so impressed with the support of my co-workers and how I have actually inspired them to start getting healthy as well. The big surprise was going to downtown Kansas City and working out with Bob and tons of people waiting there for us! The support from the crowd was overwhelming.
I am completely taken back by how my life has changed in thirty days. First of all I am now 22lbs lighter! Yay! But there is so much more. I'm doing things that I would have never even dreamed about doing. I am experimenting with healthy foods, I am jogging down the Liberty Memorial, I am exercising everyday, I am actually giving advice on how to eat healthy! Its crazy! I mean honestly if someone would have told me I would be doing this, I don't think I would have believed them! I feel and truly believe that I am a new person! I am so thankful to everyone that is behind me. I truly feel like this is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me! I cant wait to see what the next thirty days will bring!
~Amanda
I was able to incorporate my co-workers in with the taping this time. We taped at the hospital and although they knew exactly what was going on, it was all a surprise to me. As we were taping a special guests appears and I was so overjoyed to see him. There in the hospital was Bob Harper! It was great. I was able to sit down and actually talk to him about what I had been doing over the past thirty days. He was so impressed with the progress I was making. He was so impressed with the support of my co-workers and how I have actually inspired them to start getting healthy as well. The big surprise was going to downtown Kansas City and working out with Bob and tons of people waiting there for us! The support from the crowd was overwhelming.
I am completely taken back by how my life has changed in thirty days. First of all I am now 22lbs lighter! Yay! But there is so much more. I'm doing things that I would have never even dreamed about doing. I am experimenting with healthy foods, I am jogging down the Liberty Memorial, I am exercising everyday, I am actually giving advice on how to eat healthy! Its crazy! I mean honestly if someone would have told me I would be doing this, I don't think I would have believed them! I feel and truly believe that I am a new person! I am so thankful to everyone that is behind me. I truly feel like this is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me! I cant wait to see what the next thirty days will bring!
~Amanda
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
reality
So today has been kinda of a weird day! Its been sort of a surreal day. I think that today it has finally hit me that this whole thing is actually real! I know it's stupid of me to even think for one minute that it wasn't real, I mean I saw myself on the show, flew to New York, met Bob and Dr. Oz, but now it's been almost a month. Usually within a month of me starting a diet program I have given up. I usually have not seen the results that I have wanted to see and slowly stop following the program. I allow myself to make excuses and eventually quit. It's weird though because as I think about it now, I really don't have any desire to quit! For the first time in my life I think that I have hope.
At lunch today we were talking about scrap booking of all subjects, and I mentioned that I was saving all my pictures and memorabilia for a scrapbook. She had mentioned that one of her friends who had gastric bypass had done the same thing. For some reason I went to the thought about gastric bypass and the lap band surgery. There for so many years I actually thought that the only way I was ever going to lose weight was by having surgery. I even inquired about taking out an $18,000 loan once just so that I could pay for the surgery. I was so hopeless that I would be fat my whole life and hate myself that I didn't believe that I could actually be motivated enough to get healthy on my own. It makes me sad to think that I was like that just a month ago!
Just a month ago I didn't care about my health. I heard on the radio that most Americans worry the most about money, the last thing they ever worry about is their health. I realized that I was one of those people. Even though its hard not to worry about money sometimes, if you don't have your health then you really don't have to worry about money for much longer. Within just this month I have made my health a priority. Just today I had a thirty minute conversation on cooking healthy and how to bake chicken the most healthy way! I realized that the reality is that I want to be one of those few people that worry about my health and my well being first, I want to make it a priority and I am slowly learning how! It feels really good actually! (I kinda enjoy being a little selfish for once! I mean once I get past the whole guilt thing, but that is slowly fading away!!!)
It's just crazy for me to think that a month ago I was home stuffing my face with whatever I wanted, and today I am 19lbs lighter and thinking about what I eat and do in a completely different light. Everyone continues to tell me how much of an inspiration I am and I am finally starting to believe it. I just don't think it had become real to me yet! It such a crazy feeling, I cant even begin to describe it. Maybe it is the feeling of hope. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I have it!
~Amanda
At lunch today we were talking about scrap booking of all subjects, and I mentioned that I was saving all my pictures and memorabilia for a scrapbook. She had mentioned that one of her friends who had gastric bypass had done the same thing. For some reason I went to the thought about gastric bypass and the lap band surgery. There for so many years I actually thought that the only way I was ever going to lose weight was by having surgery. I even inquired about taking out an $18,000 loan once just so that I could pay for the surgery. I was so hopeless that I would be fat my whole life and hate myself that I didn't believe that I could actually be motivated enough to get healthy on my own. It makes me sad to think that I was like that just a month ago!
Just a month ago I didn't care about my health. I heard on the radio that most Americans worry the most about money, the last thing they ever worry about is their health. I realized that I was one of those people. Even though its hard not to worry about money sometimes, if you don't have your health then you really don't have to worry about money for much longer. Within just this month I have made my health a priority. Just today I had a thirty minute conversation on cooking healthy and how to bake chicken the most healthy way! I realized that the reality is that I want to be one of those few people that worry about my health and my well being first, I want to make it a priority and I am slowly learning how! It feels really good actually! (I kinda enjoy being a little selfish for once! I mean once I get past the whole guilt thing, but that is slowly fading away!!!)
It's just crazy for me to think that a month ago I was home stuffing my face with whatever I wanted, and today I am 19lbs lighter and thinking about what I eat and do in a completely different light. Everyone continues to tell me how much of an inspiration I am and I am finally starting to believe it. I just don't think it had become real to me yet! It such a crazy feeling, I cant even begin to describe it. Maybe it is the feeling of hope. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I have it!
~Amanda
Sunday, October 4, 2009
birthday!
So this weekend I celebrated my 25th birthday! Unlike my birthdays in the past recent years, it has usually been spent with alcohol and unhealthy foods! However this year was different. I have to say that I had so much fun and I was still really healthy! I have to admit that I was really nervous beforehand but I stuck to my healthy choices and things turned out great!
I decided to go spend the weekend with some friends from college in St. Louis. I really havent spent much time with them in a long time and one of them had bought a house down there recently so I thought it would be a nice time. I really needed the break too. This week work was so stressful. Every evening something was going on and I really needed to just get away from everything. So Friday after my personal training session, which about killed me, I headed out of town with the girls. The girls made fun of me because I had packed along with my clothes and things, my own food to eat as well! Betty, my friend in St. Louis had kindly bought some healthy foods, however just to be sure I went ahead and packed up some carrots, cheerios for breakfast, jello, yogurt and some fruit. But it worked!
Sat was spent shopping and thanks to Victoria Secrets makeup collection testers and a stand that was selling straight irons and curling irons at the mall- we were able to get our hair and make-up done to go out for the night!!! That night I do have to admit I did have one bite of a cupcake that Betty had gotten for me instead of a cake! But other than that I stayed to my healthy eating with no problems. We ended up going salsa dancing which I know had to burn off a lot of calories!!! It was alot of fun and hard work! We left there and went to another dance club and danced until 2:30am. I did have one mojito while salsa dancing, but other than that it was all water. The night ended with a wonderful crisis, as it would have to happen with me! As we were walking to our car a man came and assaulted another man and then ran off. This guy was so drunk that he didn't know what was going on. Of course everyone was freaking out so I called the ambulance and asked everyone to stop screaming!!! I did feel bad for the guy, he peed all over himself and the emt's were making fun of him. But I'm sure he is recovering fine in the hospital or at home by now!
It was just really nice to get away. It was definitely the break that I needed. I worried a lot about the food choices that I made when I was out, however it was easier than I thought. Bringing my own food helped, that way I always had my healthy snacks, and then when we did eat out, I made sure to voice my opinions and asked that it wasn't McDonald's or Taco Bell, but somewhere that I felt comfortable eating and making healthy choices. I was able to eat healthy salads and chicken at any place that we did eat out at. It made me realize that it is getting easier as time goes on. My body is getting used to the healthy stuff! Just that one bite of cupcake and the sweet mojito, made my stomach upset! I'm glad to know that it is getting better!
I decided to go spend the weekend with some friends from college in St. Louis. I really havent spent much time with them in a long time and one of them had bought a house down there recently so I thought it would be a nice time. I really needed the break too. This week work was so stressful. Every evening something was going on and I really needed to just get away from everything. So Friday after my personal training session, which about killed me, I headed out of town with the girls. The girls made fun of me because I had packed along with my clothes and things, my own food to eat as well! Betty, my friend in St. Louis had kindly bought some healthy foods, however just to be sure I went ahead and packed up some carrots, cheerios for breakfast, jello, yogurt and some fruit. But it worked!
Sat was spent shopping and thanks to Victoria Secrets makeup collection testers and a stand that was selling straight irons and curling irons at the mall- we were able to get our hair and make-up done to go out for the night!!! That night I do have to admit I did have one bite of a cupcake that Betty had gotten for me instead of a cake! But other than that I stayed to my healthy eating with no problems. We ended up going salsa dancing which I know had to burn off a lot of calories!!! It was alot of fun and hard work! We left there and went to another dance club and danced until 2:30am. I did have one mojito while salsa dancing, but other than that it was all water. The night ended with a wonderful crisis, as it would have to happen with me! As we were walking to our car a man came and assaulted another man and then ran off. This guy was so drunk that he didn't know what was going on. Of course everyone was freaking out so I called the ambulance and asked everyone to stop screaming!!! I did feel bad for the guy, he peed all over himself and the emt's were making fun of him. But I'm sure he is recovering fine in the hospital or at home by now!
It was just really nice to get away. It was definitely the break that I needed. I worried a lot about the food choices that I made when I was out, however it was easier than I thought. Bringing my own food helped, that way I always had my healthy snacks, and then when we did eat out, I made sure to voice my opinions and asked that it wasn't McDonald's or Taco Bell, but somewhere that I felt comfortable eating and making healthy choices. I was able to eat healthy salads and chicken at any place that we did eat out at. It made me realize that it is getting easier as time goes on. My body is getting used to the healthy stuff! Just that one bite of cupcake and the sweet mojito, made my stomach upset! I'm glad to know that it is getting better!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
overreaction!
This week has been a very crazy week at work. It seems as though from the moment I get there I am non stop until I leave. It feels as though either every pt has a crazy family member that I have to deal with or they have so many needs that I spend so much time meeting all of what they have to have to get them home or wherever they are going. Today as I was working with a few patients that were discharging, my planned discharges were not going as planned! By the end of the day, I had ended up literally yelling at a nursing home for lying to me about accepting my patient. I was furious. I turned into the social worker from hell and started losing my temper to the point where I really did overreact pretty bad. Even one of the doctors that I work with was standing there asking if I wanted him to give me a prescription for some Valium!!! I declined the Valium and took a time out. One of the nurses jokingly asked me if I was having withdrawal symptoms from the lack of sugar in my life! I had to laugh on that one! But I realized that something was going on in my life to make me react this way and feel this horrible at work.
As I looked at my week, I realized that each day that I have gone home, I have gone home and done something for someone else. Monday night took care of my family, Tuesday night babysat for my goddaughter and now tonight went to a fundraiser for a local health care charity(which was nice). But I haven't had any me time! Part of my road to a healthier lifestyle is getting healthier from both a physical and emotional aspect. Just not having some down time for two days sent me into this social worker from hell persona! I think I have realized how critical this is for me to have in my life. Even tonight when I got home I was off to a local charity- which as I said I did enjoy. But I am so tired now that I will be heading to bed soon with still not a lot of me time. My selfishness has set in I guess, because I feel as though I need my time now! I'm done with putting myself on the back burner!
Although writing in my blog does help me reflect, however I need more. Lately I have been reading random books which has helped me drift out of reality and relax. I don't have to focus on anything when I read. I also have been getting back into my scrapbooking- something that I do enjoy but have not been doing. I haven't done a lot of it but I'm starting again. I'm slowly relearning what I enjoy doing. It's kinda sad when people ask you, "whats your hobbies" and you cant reply. I honestly had no clue what I enjoyed doing because I haven't done anything like "hobbies" in so long. If I wasn't helping out or working, I was going to school and who has time for hobbies when you are going to college and working three jobs! But I'm so thankful that I'm finally figuring out what I like to do. So when someone asks me I can honestly tell them what my hobbies are. Its kind of exciting.
So lesson for the day- to suppress the bitch social worker- find a hobby!
~Amanda
As I looked at my week, I realized that each day that I have gone home, I have gone home and done something for someone else. Monday night took care of my family, Tuesday night babysat for my goddaughter and now tonight went to a fundraiser for a local health care charity(which was nice). But I haven't had any me time! Part of my road to a healthier lifestyle is getting healthier from both a physical and emotional aspect. Just not having some down time for two days sent me into this social worker from hell persona! I think I have realized how critical this is for me to have in my life. Even tonight when I got home I was off to a local charity- which as I said I did enjoy. But I am so tired now that I will be heading to bed soon with still not a lot of me time. My selfishness has set in I guess, because I feel as though I need my time now! I'm done with putting myself on the back burner!
Although writing in my blog does help me reflect, however I need more. Lately I have been reading random books which has helped me drift out of reality and relax. I don't have to focus on anything when I read. I also have been getting back into my scrapbooking- something that I do enjoy but have not been doing. I haven't done a lot of it but I'm starting again. I'm slowly relearning what I enjoy doing. It's kinda sad when people ask you, "whats your hobbies" and you cant reply. I honestly had no clue what I enjoyed doing because I haven't done anything like "hobbies" in so long. If I wasn't helping out or working, I was going to school and who has time for hobbies when you are going to college and working three jobs! But I'm so thankful that I'm finally figuring out what I like to do. So when someone asks me I can honestly tell them what my hobbies are. Its kind of exciting.
So lesson for the day- to suppress the bitch social worker- find a hobby!
~Amanda
Monday, September 28, 2009
balancing grief!
So after my brief meltdown last week, I had a good weekend to process things through and think about all the advice everyone was giving me and the need to balance things out. I realized that balance was the key word. Living healthy is a way of life and something that I will do each day forward so being realistic with myself and stopping my negative thinking has to be something that I have to continue to work on. I have taught myself to believe: one- that I have to be perfect and never fail which is ridiculous, and two that when I do fail I must feel guilty for the rest of my life over it, which again is ridiculous. Why am I so hard on myself? Something that I have always told my clients is that we all fall down and make mistakes but its what you learn from them that counts- get back up and keep going. I really need to take my own advice on this one. Each time I make a mistake, mess up and eat something that is unhealthy or put myself in a situation that is a huge temptation, instead of beating myself up about it, realize what I did wrong and move on. Why does this have to be so hard for me? I guess its easier to teach than to listen sometimes.
Another thing that approached me was the idea of grief. I've always been a true believer that we grieve over pretty much everything. Loss of job, loss of family, loss of loved one, loss of relationship- but I never really thought about the loss of food. At my aerobics class tonight I was discussing my recent meltdown with one of the ladies and she thoughtfully said- "your simply grieving- its a process". I realized that she was right. Sometimes I feel like a dumb blond(sorry blonde's) because these things are right in front of me and I never see them. Maybe I don't want to see them. But anyways, I realized that I was grieving over my personal friend and comfort for many years- food. I will also grieve the weight that I hide behind once I lose it - my wall wont be there for me to hide and be protected any longer. I have always been there for everyone else and food has always been there for me. When I'm sad I eat, when I'm happy I eat, when I'm mad I eat- you get the point. I wont have that to fall back on anymore!
Grief is a hard process, a set of stages that you walk in and out of all the time. It is constantly in our lives. Today I came home to find my beloved dog, Pedie who was 16 had died in his sleep. This past year I have lost a lot and will continue to lose and grieve over many things. But its about the process that you go through and the balancing out at the end. Two things I am for sure of: I am a true social worker- I know way too much about grief and the process, and two I am a libra and need balance! Maybe these two will be able to intertwine more in my live and the process will become easier. But again maybe not!
~Amanda
Another thing that approached me was the idea of grief. I've always been a true believer that we grieve over pretty much everything. Loss of job, loss of family, loss of loved one, loss of relationship- but I never really thought about the loss of food. At my aerobics class tonight I was discussing my recent meltdown with one of the ladies and she thoughtfully said- "your simply grieving- its a process". I realized that she was right. Sometimes I feel like a dumb blond(sorry blonde's) because these things are right in front of me and I never see them. Maybe I don't want to see them. But anyways, I realized that I was grieving over my personal friend and comfort for many years- food. I will also grieve the weight that I hide behind once I lose it - my wall wont be there for me to hide and be protected any longer. I have always been there for everyone else and food has always been there for me. When I'm sad I eat, when I'm happy I eat, when I'm mad I eat- you get the point. I wont have that to fall back on anymore!
Grief is a hard process, a set of stages that you walk in and out of all the time. It is constantly in our lives. Today I came home to find my beloved dog, Pedie who was 16 had died in his sleep. This past year I have lost a lot and will continue to lose and grieve over many things. But its about the process that you go through and the balancing out at the end. Two things I am for sure of: I am a true social worker- I know way too much about grief and the process, and two I am a libra and need balance! Maybe these two will be able to intertwine more in my live and the process will become easier. But again maybe not!
~Amanda
Friday, September 25, 2009
rough day!
So today was a rough day!
I went to the Royals game last night. I have to admit it was fun. I did have a beer but no hot dogs or fries! They were tempting but I didn't give in! I did have fun with all the girls. Afterwards when the game was over- we went to Tanners so everyone could continue drinking- I stayed with my water of course! With the drinks came the appetizers. All the delicious fried mushrooms, french fries, fries cheese bites, all the bad food that tastes so good but is bad for you! Being that it was 11pm I felt that one it wasn't healthy to eat this late and two it wasn't healthy to eat any of that food at all! The girls were so sweet that i was with, apologizing for getting the food, but like I have said before, I can't expect people to change their lives just because I'm changing. I mean just because I'm fat and have a problem and they don't doesn't mean that they have to suffer! But it was still so tempting. I won't lie I did have three fried mushrooms. (which i felt guilty for afterwards).
So this morning when I woke up and had to weigh myself and do measurements I found that I had lost 2 more pounds. Which in the scheme of things, 2 pounds is really good. But of course my mind began racing and thinking well if I hadn't had those mushrooms and that beer it might have been more. Again knowing that this is not a weight loss challenge- every time I step on the scale I cant help but think about trying to lose as much as I can. My thinking just went out of control and began to put me in a horrible mood for the rest of the day. So much so that I had a breakdown in the cafeteria after I couldn't find any cooked broccoli- (it really wasn't a pretty site!). I just began hating food and hating myself for being in the situation that I'm in- the need to constantly focus on what I eat. I hate the fact that I cant just walk into a restaurant or the cafeteria at work and just pick something to eat without thinking about the nutritional value and how much fat it has in it. Whoever invented added sugars and saturated fats I truly want to shoot in the stomach right now. I mean why does it have to be this hard.
So after talking to everyone today, I'm still feeling a little depressed. Usually at any point of my many diets I would have said screw this, I'm just destined to be fat and then gone to get a pizza or the first little debbie treat that I could find. However I have made a commitment and I have to fulfill that commitment to myself. I have to learn how to like food again in a healthy sense. Ya know realistically for the rest of my life it is not reasonable to think that I will never be around a group of friends that are ordering appetizers or unhealthy foods. But for right now while I'm learning how to control my temptations and live healthier I think it is okay to remove myself from temptations like that. Eventually I hope it will get to where it wont even bother me or I can reward myself every once in awhile and not have to worry about the consequences. But I have to get better established into a routine, later will come the rewards!
~Amanda
I went to the Royals game last night. I have to admit it was fun. I did have a beer but no hot dogs or fries! They were tempting but I didn't give in! I did have fun with all the girls. Afterwards when the game was over- we went to Tanners so everyone could continue drinking- I stayed with my water of course! With the drinks came the appetizers. All the delicious fried mushrooms, french fries, fries cheese bites, all the bad food that tastes so good but is bad for you! Being that it was 11pm I felt that one it wasn't healthy to eat this late and two it wasn't healthy to eat any of that food at all! The girls were so sweet that i was with, apologizing for getting the food, but like I have said before, I can't expect people to change their lives just because I'm changing. I mean just because I'm fat and have a problem and they don't doesn't mean that they have to suffer! But it was still so tempting. I won't lie I did have three fried mushrooms. (which i felt guilty for afterwards).
So this morning when I woke up and had to weigh myself and do measurements I found that I had lost 2 more pounds. Which in the scheme of things, 2 pounds is really good. But of course my mind began racing and thinking well if I hadn't had those mushrooms and that beer it might have been more. Again knowing that this is not a weight loss challenge- every time I step on the scale I cant help but think about trying to lose as much as I can. My thinking just went out of control and began to put me in a horrible mood for the rest of the day. So much so that I had a breakdown in the cafeteria after I couldn't find any cooked broccoli- (it really wasn't a pretty site!). I just began hating food and hating myself for being in the situation that I'm in- the need to constantly focus on what I eat. I hate the fact that I cant just walk into a restaurant or the cafeteria at work and just pick something to eat without thinking about the nutritional value and how much fat it has in it. Whoever invented added sugars and saturated fats I truly want to shoot in the stomach right now. I mean why does it have to be this hard.
So after talking to everyone today, I'm still feeling a little depressed. Usually at any point of my many diets I would have said screw this, I'm just destined to be fat and then gone to get a pizza or the first little debbie treat that I could find. However I have made a commitment and I have to fulfill that commitment to myself. I have to learn how to like food again in a healthy sense. Ya know realistically for the rest of my life it is not reasonable to think that I will never be around a group of friends that are ordering appetizers or unhealthy foods. But for right now while I'm learning how to control my temptations and live healthier I think it is okay to remove myself from temptations like that. Eventually I hope it will get to where it wont even bother me or I can reward myself every once in awhile and not have to worry about the consequences. But I have to get better established into a routine, later will come the rewards!
~Amanda
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
fighting temptations
So this week has gone by pretty fast! I spoke with one of the producers of the show today and realized that I'm halfway to looking at a thirty day progress time. Kinda scary. He reminded me today that this isnt a weight loss challenge as I sometimes think, however a healthy lifestyle change. But part of me cant help but want to lose as much weight as I can before going back on national television! But Im still remaining healthy and learning to live this way! But just keeps me motivated I guess!
No matter how much motivation I have- I still get tempted! Of course I knew I would be fighting temptations and cravings. I knew that I would have to resist the dessert at lunch or the candy bar in the afternoon and the first week was great- I thought wow- this is going to be easier than I thought! Wrong! This week I have been getting a lot of cravings. Today the girls brought in candy at work and thats all that I could think about! Its sad because the thought is always in the back of my mind that there is a snickers bar in the break room 100 feet from me if I ever wanted it! Today at lunch my co-worker, whom I love had a huge york peppermint pattie, which I didnt really want anyways, but she said to me when she opened it, "Oh Im sorry I shouldnt have opened that in front of you!". Although it is hard for me not to grab the chocolate from her hands sometimes, no one should change their lives just because I'm changing mine. If someone wants to eat a candybar then by all means go ahead! I can't live in a world for the rest of my life without being surrounded or seeing chocolate and desserts! I have to learn how to resist my temptation and say no, but handle things in moderation. I have found that sugar free jello pudding helps in the evenings when i really crave sweets!
Tomorrow I am going to a Royals game and I cant help but think that a hot dog with a big beer and some french fries sound so delicious right now! But I'm going to pack my healthy dinner- some carrots, maybe a tuna sandwich or a salad- and be good with that. I cant promise that I wont drink one beer but one reward here and there wont be too bad, will it? Who knows, I guess we'll see!
~Amanda
No matter how much motivation I have- I still get tempted! Of course I knew I would be fighting temptations and cravings. I knew that I would have to resist the dessert at lunch or the candy bar in the afternoon and the first week was great- I thought wow- this is going to be easier than I thought! Wrong! This week I have been getting a lot of cravings. Today the girls brought in candy at work and thats all that I could think about! Its sad because the thought is always in the back of my mind that there is a snickers bar in the break room 100 feet from me if I ever wanted it! Today at lunch my co-worker, whom I love had a huge york peppermint pattie, which I didnt really want anyways, but she said to me when she opened it, "Oh Im sorry I shouldnt have opened that in front of you!". Although it is hard for me not to grab the chocolate from her hands sometimes, no one should change their lives just because I'm changing mine. If someone wants to eat a candybar then by all means go ahead! I can't live in a world for the rest of my life without being surrounded or seeing chocolate and desserts! I have to learn how to resist my temptation and say no, but handle things in moderation. I have found that sugar free jello pudding helps in the evenings when i really crave sweets!
Tomorrow I am going to a Royals game and I cant help but think that a hot dog with a big beer and some french fries sound so delicious right now! But I'm going to pack my healthy dinner- some carrots, maybe a tuna sandwich or a salad- and be good with that. I cant promise that I wont drink one beer but one reward here and there wont be too bad, will it? Who knows, I guess we'll see!
~Amanda
Sunday, September 20, 2009
revelation- beginning my rewrite!
So tonight I feel as though I could write a book!~ but I wont!
Now that I'm opening myself up- so many things are starting to click. Things that I have probably already known in the past, but have never been able to incorporate into my life. Things that I can tell everyone else to do or teach others how to do, but have never been able to do before. I guess it's all about putting myself out there and starting over.
Today I went to church and heard some things that completely inspired me. No matter what people believe- I think that we all have to have some sort of higher power- whether its God, Buddha, Allah, whoever- something to put our faith into. What is getting me through my struggles is my higher power- God; that's is who I have been trusting in to keep me on my path. I have always believed that God will point me in the direction that I need to go with my life, that whatever happens happens. However as the pastor was speaking today he was talking about who writes the story of your life. Are you an actor or a victim, are you an editor or a co-writer. Who has the power? I cant stop thinking about this because I realized that all along I have been living my life as a victim when it comes to my weight and my social life. I haven't been living my life pro-actively- I stand back and let it happen. Now give me a client or a patient and I will advocate until my eyes fall out- and will be more proactive than anyone every expects- however with my own self I am not like that- Until now. Now I am actually becoming a writer of my own story. I am actually taking steps to make my life happier, healthier and joyful. While I thought about this in church, at the end the pastor said this- sometimes you have to do re-writes! So now I think this is my chance of rewriting my book, my life. Of course I'm still letting God steer me in the direction that he wants, however I think that it is important that I'm in the drivers seat with him. I'm not just standing back and letting what happens happen. I cant stop hearing a Third Day song play over and over in my head, "today I found myself- feels like I'm born again, feels like I'm living". Even though everyone knows all my flaws and my low self esteem, I feel so much more confident in myself. I really do feel like I'm starting over and I'm actually living!
~Amanda
Now that I'm opening myself up- so many things are starting to click. Things that I have probably already known in the past, but have never been able to incorporate into my life. Things that I can tell everyone else to do or teach others how to do, but have never been able to do before. I guess it's all about putting myself out there and starting over.
Today I went to church and heard some things that completely inspired me. No matter what people believe- I think that we all have to have some sort of higher power- whether its God, Buddha, Allah, whoever- something to put our faith into. What is getting me through my struggles is my higher power- God; that's is who I have been trusting in to keep me on my path. I have always believed that God will point me in the direction that I need to go with my life, that whatever happens happens. However as the pastor was speaking today he was talking about who writes the story of your life. Are you an actor or a victim, are you an editor or a co-writer. Who has the power? I cant stop thinking about this because I realized that all along I have been living my life as a victim when it comes to my weight and my social life. I haven't been living my life pro-actively- I stand back and let it happen. Now give me a client or a patient and I will advocate until my eyes fall out- and will be more proactive than anyone every expects- however with my own self I am not like that- Until now. Now I am actually becoming a writer of my own story. I am actually taking steps to make my life happier, healthier and joyful. While I thought about this in church, at the end the pastor said this- sometimes you have to do re-writes! So now I think this is my chance of rewriting my book, my life. Of course I'm still letting God steer me in the direction that he wants, however I think that it is important that I'm in the drivers seat with him. I'm not just standing back and letting what happens happen. I cant stop hearing a Third Day song play over and over in my head, "today I found myself- feels like I'm born again, feels like I'm living". Even though everyone knows all my flaws and my low self esteem, I feel so much more confident in myself. I really do feel like I'm starting over and I'm actually living!
~Amanda
Friday, September 18, 2009
big day!
So today was the big day- the day the show aired! I was so nervous to see myself. I did the live interview on the kansas city morning show which was great and enjoyed it alot! But as the day got closer to 3pm I could feel the butterflies in my stomach- there was no turning back! I wasnt nervous about showing my wieght or being on television, I was really nervous about people seeing a different side of me that i dont often portray. All my life I have accomplished everything that I put my mind to. In my professional side I portray myself as being a very confident, assertive professional- which I am. However it's completely different with my social life. This is a side that I dont often show people. So for the nation to see me sad, depressed and self-conscious it was hard! I know that everyone has two sides to them, we all have a wall that we put up to guard us, but I have never put mine down before. Maybe that is why I can't battle my wieght, in fact I know thats probably why- I have never been able to put my wall down to others. Now reality has hit me in the face and I have put my wall down to the whole nation! Its funny because when I was working as a substance abuse counseler, I often taught a group about building walls, unhealthy walls. In this group there was a story where a man builds a wall from rocks which were all insecurities or addictions or some defect in his life. It is only with help of a higher power that he is able to tear it down and ask for help. Why can I teach this stuff but not actually incorporate it into my own life. I think I have finally asked for help to tear down my wall and everyone will be able to see!
I have definately started my emotional journey! But I have so much support that I shouldnt have any problems battling this. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and inspiration that I have gotten from my friends, co-workers and family. It is amazing!
Oh the best part of the day- I weighed for the first time since the show- really I cant believe this but I have lost 11lbs and 4.5 inches from my waist! I made my mom find another scale in the house because I didnt believe the first one, but the second one also said 11lbs!!! Super exciting!
~Amanda
I have definately started my emotional journey! But I have so much support that I shouldnt have any problems battling this. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and inspiration that I have gotten from my friends, co-workers and family. It is amazing!
Oh the best part of the day- I weighed for the first time since the show- really I cant believe this but I have lost 11lbs and 4.5 inches from my waist! I made my mom find another scale in the house because I didnt believe the first one, but the second one also said 11lbs!!! Super exciting!
~Amanda
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
excitement!
So today was a great day! First I finally found directions to my new pedometer on line and figured out how to work the thing!!!! Second I met to have drinks with some friends and all I really wanted was water- thought I might really want a drink once I got there but I didnt! So that was good! Third I found out that I am going to be doing a live interview on Kansas city Live morning show on friday before the Dr. Oz show airs at 11am. I am super excited! As you couldn't already tell Im very social and love talking!!! It will be fun!
So as I was driving a friend home tonight I had a great conversation about my wieght loss journey. Right now my life has really centered around this, which is great because in the past it never has and that probably has been a lot of the problem! But as she was talking, she starting mentioning how this really was going to change EVERY aspect of my life. I have always thought that if I losed wieght , ya I would be healthy and probably go on more dates but I never really thought about how much this would change my life. I have always stayed in my comfort zone as the "fat friend" and have never left that. I always have felt comfortable joking about being fat and making fun of myself and so on, however if I lose wieght and actually get healthier and skinnier, i wont have that to fall back on. I realize that I actually have been my own enemy- not food (although the crappy food didnt help!) I will have to step out and find ways to focus on myself in healthy outlets. As I look at it now, its actually really scary. My whole world is going to change. Not only from the way I eat and exercise but to the way I feel about myself and care about myself. All I can hope is that I will become healthier both physically and emotionally and have a higher self-esteem so that I will thrive in my new life! I know that it will be a lot of work, but I guess that is why it is called a journey! I actually truly believe in myself for one of the first times- I KNOW I can do this.
~Amanda
So as I was driving a friend home tonight I had a great conversation about my wieght loss journey. Right now my life has really centered around this, which is great because in the past it never has and that probably has been a lot of the problem! But as she was talking, she starting mentioning how this really was going to change EVERY aspect of my life. I have always thought that if I losed wieght , ya I would be healthy and probably go on more dates but I never really thought about how much this would change my life. I have always stayed in my comfort zone as the "fat friend" and have never left that. I always have felt comfortable joking about being fat and making fun of myself and so on, however if I lose wieght and actually get healthier and skinnier, i wont have that to fall back on. I realize that I actually have been my own enemy- not food (although the crappy food didnt help!) I will have to step out and find ways to focus on myself in healthy outlets. As I look at it now, its actually really scary. My whole world is going to change. Not only from the way I eat and exercise but to the way I feel about myself and care about myself. All I can hope is that I will become healthier both physically and emotionally and have a higher self-esteem so that I will thrive in my new life! I know that it will be a lot of work, but I guess that is why it is called a journey! I actually truly believe in myself for one of the first times- I KNOW I can do this.
~Amanda
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
show date!
So today I just got word that the show that I taped will be airing this week. It will be on Friday- 9/18 at 3pm on NBC and 7pm on KBWE. I'm very excited, also a little nervous- I actually have not seen it so it will be interesting to see how it turns out.
I got my book and pedometer in the mail today. First of all, why do they have to make pedometers so complex- I mean this thing is high tech- why couldn't they just send me the cheap walmart brand that I knew how to work. I am still trying to figure this thing out! The book seems pretty informative. I cant wait to read through it all. I basically read through the diet and exercise plan and its pretty much all the same foods that I'm eating right now. A basic meal plan for the day is:
breakfast- eggs or bowl of cheerios with soy milk
snack- yogurt w/fruit or nuts
lunch- salad or veggie burger or tuna on whole grain
snack-fruit/raw veggies or some whole grain crackers
dinner- fish/chicken w/whole grain rice and veggies
snack- popcorn/ jello
Pretty simple really. I haven't gotten into the book yet, just started, but I like it because it is about mapping out mind over matter. Today I was talking with my manager and what she said is so true- most of the time Im not physically hungry- I'm mentally hungry- its a mind thing. From what I see this book addresses what types of foods can help with that and how to control that. I'm very anxious about getting into this and finding out more details. Always before when I have gotten a diet book I immediately scroll right to the back of the book where the diet plan is- recipes and the list of the daily meal plans. After about 2-3 days I throw it down and don't pick it back up. So I never read the book and find out about the physiological stuff that I probably should. So I am committed to read this book and find out why I cant stop eating. ( I probably know why but I would like to know why from a scientist point of view!!!). Once I begin learning I start sharing!
Another thing that that happened today besides all the eating healthy and water aerobics-yay!- was that tonight I watched the season premiere of the Biggest Loser! I have to say that usually I load up on the junk food while watching, but not tonight- I literally cried like a baby all through the show. The part that touched me the most was Shay- the social worker who was the heaviest person who has ever been on the show. Some of the things that she said I could empathize with her completely on. I think that watching this season is different for me because I can actually say that instead of sitting watching on my couch saying, "Oh i wish I could do that". I am actually doing it this time. I truly do feel their pain! Why is this such a epidemic in our society. It is so scary to think that half of our nation is obese and overweight. Its scary to think that my children might be going through the same challenge that I am now. Hopefully now, hopefully the cycle stops here.
Off to bed- ready for aerobics tomorrow- can already feel my abs hurting!!! Feeling the burn!!!
~Amanda
I got my book and pedometer in the mail today. First of all, why do they have to make pedometers so complex- I mean this thing is high tech- why couldn't they just send me the cheap walmart brand that I knew how to work. I am still trying to figure this thing out! The book seems pretty informative. I cant wait to read through it all. I basically read through the diet and exercise plan and its pretty much all the same foods that I'm eating right now. A basic meal plan for the day is:
breakfast- eggs or bowl of cheerios with soy milk
snack- yogurt w/fruit or nuts
lunch- salad or veggie burger or tuna on whole grain
snack-fruit/raw veggies or some whole grain crackers
dinner- fish/chicken w/whole grain rice and veggies
snack- popcorn/ jello
Pretty simple really. I haven't gotten into the book yet, just started, but I like it because it is about mapping out mind over matter. Today I was talking with my manager and what she said is so true- most of the time Im not physically hungry- I'm mentally hungry- its a mind thing. From what I see this book addresses what types of foods can help with that and how to control that. I'm very anxious about getting into this and finding out more details. Always before when I have gotten a diet book I immediately scroll right to the back of the book where the diet plan is- recipes and the list of the daily meal plans. After about 2-3 days I throw it down and don't pick it back up. So I never read the book and find out about the physiological stuff that I probably should. So I am committed to read this book and find out why I cant stop eating. ( I probably know why but I would like to know why from a scientist point of view!!!). Once I begin learning I start sharing!
Another thing that that happened today besides all the eating healthy and water aerobics-yay!- was that tonight I watched the season premiere of the Biggest Loser! I have to say that usually I load up on the junk food while watching, but not tonight- I literally cried like a baby all through the show. The part that touched me the most was Shay- the social worker who was the heaviest person who has ever been on the show. Some of the things that she said I could empathize with her completely on. I think that watching this season is different for me because I can actually say that instead of sitting watching on my couch saying, "Oh i wish I could do that". I am actually doing it this time. I truly do feel their pain! Why is this such a epidemic in our society. It is so scary to think that half of our nation is obese and overweight. Its scary to think that my children might be going through the same challenge that I am now. Hopefully now, hopefully the cycle stops here.
Off to bed- ready for aerobics tomorrow- can already feel my abs hurting!!! Feeling the burn!!!
~Amanda
Monday, September 14, 2009
so it begins
Well this weekend was the beginning of my challenge. I went grocery shopping- which sucked by the way!!! I began walking which I have to say even though I'm really out of shape I do enjoy. I started back at my aerobics class tonight and had so much fun with the girls. They are so awesome and so motivational! Its been so encouraging for me to be at work and around friends, I was so scared that I was going to be embarrassed by this, but its quite the opposite- I'm so motivated by it and empowered. I didn't realize how many supportive people are in my life until now. I guess when you never ask for help you forget how many people are around you that are actually there offering support and help. This has truly been an eye opener.
So back to my grocery shopping and diet. I shouldn't say diet- I hate that word! It honestly is not a diet- it is a lifestyle change. Its not about counting calories or carbs, or eating so much of this or that- its about eating what is healthy. So, for all that you want to know: Dr. Oz and Dr. Rozien (Dr. Oz's partner) say:
1. Four foods to stay away from are:
-Saturated fats- do not eat anything that has more than 2g per serving of saturated fat. This includes animal fat, most butters, lard, coconut oil and palm oil.
-Added sugars and syrups- anything that ends in "ose" in the first five ingredients- table sugar is better than artificial sweeteners- avoid high fructose, lactose, sucrose, glucose, etc..
-Trans fat- most margarine's, butter spreads, cooking oils- when using butter or margarine- use cholesterol fighting margarine such as promise.
- Anything that is not 100% whole grain- no white flour, no white bread- no white rice.
2. Walk at least 30 minutes everyday- no excuses
3. Eat 3 meals with 2-3 snacks between- never be hungry
Basically its eating the right foods- it should be simple, but its a lot harder than it looks. It took me forever at the grocery store because I had to read every label- and then realized that everything that I had been eating was crap!!!! But what I have been told is basically stay on the outer lanes when going grocery shopping- stick to produce, meat/protein and dairy. Oh and the hard thing for me is that I actually have to cook it!!! I cant just stick a frozen pizza in the oven anymore, I actually have to cook food! But I am pretty proud of myself, I did make a pretty good beef and broccoli last night- I know it sounds easy but for me that's pretty challenging!!!
oh and the five important things to remember -
1. take a multi-vitamin every day
2. take an omega 3 fish oil vitamin every day
3. take two baby aspirin to help lower inflammation each day
4. Drink at least one glass of green tea each day
5. and each plenty of broccoli.
Okay so I think I just ruined a segment of the Dr. Oz show for you, but oh well!!! So I'm still in the learning process my self. This is all the info that they have given me. The Dr. Oz show is sending me a book with recipes and more detailed plan so once I get this info I will share it. Hope this has helped!!!
~Amanda
P.S. I just have to add- I'm really sad about Patrick Swayze- I loved him! Normally I would use this as an excuse to eat a cherry pie or a ho ho or something- but i just enjoyed a nice small bowl of sugar free butterscotch pudding!!!!
So back to my grocery shopping and diet. I shouldn't say diet- I hate that word! It honestly is not a diet- it is a lifestyle change. Its not about counting calories or carbs, or eating so much of this or that- its about eating what is healthy. So, for all that you want to know: Dr. Oz and Dr. Rozien (Dr. Oz's partner) say:
1. Four foods to stay away from are:
-Saturated fats- do not eat anything that has more than 2g per serving of saturated fat. This includes animal fat, most butters, lard, coconut oil and palm oil.
-Added sugars and syrups- anything that ends in "ose" in the first five ingredients- table sugar is better than artificial sweeteners- avoid high fructose, lactose, sucrose, glucose, etc..
-Trans fat- most margarine's, butter spreads, cooking oils- when using butter or margarine- use cholesterol fighting margarine such as promise.
- Anything that is not 100% whole grain- no white flour, no white bread- no white rice.
2. Walk at least 30 minutes everyday- no excuses
3. Eat 3 meals with 2-3 snacks between- never be hungry
Basically its eating the right foods- it should be simple, but its a lot harder than it looks. It took me forever at the grocery store because I had to read every label- and then realized that everything that I had been eating was crap!!!! But what I have been told is basically stay on the outer lanes when going grocery shopping- stick to produce, meat/protein and dairy. Oh and the hard thing for me is that I actually have to cook it!!! I cant just stick a frozen pizza in the oven anymore, I actually have to cook food! But I am pretty proud of myself, I did make a pretty good beef and broccoli last night- I know it sounds easy but for me that's pretty challenging!!!
oh and the five important things to remember -
1. take a multi-vitamin every day
2. take an omega 3 fish oil vitamin every day
3. take two baby aspirin to help lower inflammation each day
4. Drink at least one glass of green tea each day
5. and each plenty of broccoli.
Okay so I think I just ruined a segment of the Dr. Oz show for you, but oh well!!! So I'm still in the learning process my self. This is all the info that they have given me. The Dr. Oz show is sending me a book with recipes and more detailed plan so once I get this info I will share it. Hope this has helped!!!
~Amanda
P.S. I just have to add- I'm really sad about Patrick Swayze- I loved him! Normally I would use this as an excuse to eat a cherry pie or a ho ho or something- but i just enjoyed a nice small bowl of sugar free butterscotch pudding!!!!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Meeting Dr. Oz- starting my challenge!
Okay- So here it is, my story and how it begins! I recently walked into something that has and will change my life forever! the story of my life goes- Im always helping everyone else and not myself. However I was faced with the realization that I could not keep up this behavior and had to change if I wanted to continue to even be here. And so it begins....
A few weeks ago I was walking through Zona Rosa, literally minding my own business. I was with my best friend Heather and my sister Katie and my Goddaughter Bella. As a usual two-year old, Bella was extremely cranky and all I wanted to do was to find a play place for her. Low and behold we found Marshalls where once we walked in two tables with signs for "the Dr. Oz Casting Call" were in front of the play place. I put Bella down and began googling on my phone why Dr. Oz show was here. With much encouraging from my sister, I went up to inquire about why they were there, and there he was, a very flamboyant man name Terrance- that I would soon come to love and hate all at the same time!!!! He had me fill out some forms and began telling me how fat I was!!! I met Kathy, another producer for the show and of course they instantly fell in love with me!!! haha. The next day it took off and there they were at my house filming - interviewing me, filming at Pour boys buying unhealthy foods and pretending to make house calls while at work! I honestly thought it would end there- nothing would come of it, however a few days later I get a phone call from some producers and Terrance saying that they are flying me out to New York to do a taping with Dr. Oz. I was excited, however still a little hesitant. But hey, who could beat a free trip to New York City!!!!
So last week I went to New York City! It was amazing!!! My first time out there and I have to say I loved it!!! The show was great- the show is about becoming healthier! It is a challenge and I dont want to spoil all of it, but a special guest was brought on to help me and a few others lose wieght- yes it was Bob from the Biggest Loser!!! (Let me tell you how much I thought I was going to pee my pants when I saw him, and held his hand!!!!) But basically he is coming to my home in 30 days to see how im doing, Dr. Oz's partner is helping me by calling me daily and keeping me on track and they are flying me back in 60 days to see how I have done and how much progress I have made. I am so excited!!! I so needed this. I am actually going to get healthy now and have someone to help me do all the right things.
So as I begin my journey, back to my old ways- I do want to help others too! I have gotten alot of my co-workers on board and i want so bad to get my family on board! i want all whom I love to become healthy as well! So this blog is not only for me- because lord knows there will be times when I will be frustrated and wanting to give up! But it is for others as well! So hopefully people will keep the encouragement coming and I will be way skinnier/healthier in 60 days!!! hahahaha
~Amanda
A few weeks ago I was walking through Zona Rosa, literally minding my own business. I was with my best friend Heather and my sister Katie and my Goddaughter Bella. As a usual two-year old, Bella was extremely cranky and all I wanted to do was to find a play place for her. Low and behold we found Marshalls where once we walked in two tables with signs for "the Dr. Oz Casting Call" were in front of the play place. I put Bella down and began googling on my phone why Dr. Oz show was here. With much encouraging from my sister, I went up to inquire about why they were there, and there he was, a very flamboyant man name Terrance- that I would soon come to love and hate all at the same time!!!! He had me fill out some forms and began telling me how fat I was!!! I met Kathy, another producer for the show and of course they instantly fell in love with me!!! haha. The next day it took off and there they were at my house filming - interviewing me, filming at Pour boys buying unhealthy foods and pretending to make house calls while at work! I honestly thought it would end there- nothing would come of it, however a few days later I get a phone call from some producers and Terrance saying that they are flying me out to New York to do a taping with Dr. Oz. I was excited, however still a little hesitant. But hey, who could beat a free trip to New York City!!!!
So last week I went to New York City! It was amazing!!! My first time out there and I have to say I loved it!!! The show was great- the show is about becoming healthier! It is a challenge and I dont want to spoil all of it, but a special guest was brought on to help me and a few others lose wieght- yes it was Bob from the Biggest Loser!!! (Let me tell you how much I thought I was going to pee my pants when I saw him, and held his hand!!!!) But basically he is coming to my home in 30 days to see how im doing, Dr. Oz's partner is helping me by calling me daily and keeping me on track and they are flying me back in 60 days to see how I have done and how much progress I have made. I am so excited!!! I so needed this. I am actually going to get healthy now and have someone to help me do all the right things.
So as I begin my journey, back to my old ways- I do want to help others too! I have gotten alot of my co-workers on board and i want so bad to get my family on board! i want all whom I love to become healthy as well! So this blog is not only for me- because lord knows there will be times when I will be frustrated and wanting to give up! But it is for others as well! So hopefully people will keep the encouragement coming and I will be way skinnier/healthier in 60 days!!! hahahaha
~Amanda
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