revelation- beginning my rewrite!

So tonight I feel as though I could write a book!~ but I wont!

Now that I'm opening myself up- so many things are starting to click. Things that I have probably already known in the past, but have never been able to incorporate into my life. Things that I can tell everyone else to do or teach others how to do, but have never been able to do before. I guess it's all about putting myself out there and starting over.

Today I went to church and heard some things that completely inspired me. No matter what people believe- I think that we all have to have some sort of higher power- whether its God, Buddha, Allah, whoever- something to put our faith into. What is getting me through my struggles is my higher power- God; that's is who I have been trusting in to keep me on my path. I have always believed that God will point me in the direction that I need to go with my life, that whatever happens happens. However as the pastor was speaking today he was talking about who writes the story of your life. Are you an actor or a victim, are you an editor or a co-writer. Who has the power? I cant stop thinking about this because I realized that all along I have been living my life as a victim when it comes to my weight and my social life. I haven't been living my life pro-actively- I stand back and let it happen. Now give me a client or a patient and I will advocate until my eyes fall out- and will be more proactive than anyone every expects- however with my own self I am not like that- Until now. Now I am actually becoming a writer of my own story. I am actually taking steps to make my life happier, healthier and joyful. While I thought about this in church, at the end the pastor said this- sometimes you have to do re-writes! So now I think this is my chance of rewriting my book, my life. Of course I'm still letting God steer me in the direction that he wants, however I think that it is important that I'm in the drivers seat with him. I'm not just standing back and letting what happens happen. I cant stop hearing a Third Day song play over and over in my head, "today I found myself- feels like I'm born again, feels like I'm living". Even though everyone knows all my flaws and my low self esteem, I feel so much more confident in myself. I really do feel like I'm starting over and I'm actually living!

~Amanda