big day!

So today was the big day- the day the show aired! I was so nervous to see myself. I did the live interview on the kansas city morning show which was great and enjoyed it alot! But as the day got closer to 3pm I could feel the butterflies in my stomach- there was no turning back! I wasnt nervous about showing my wieght or being on television, I was really nervous about people seeing a different side of me that i dont often portray. All my life I have accomplished everything that I put my mind to. In my professional side I portray myself as being a very confident, assertive professional- which I am. However it's completely different with my social life. This is a side that I dont often show people. So for the nation to see me sad, depressed and self-conscious it was hard! I know that everyone has two sides to them, we all have a wall that we put up to guard us, but I have never put mine down before. Maybe that is why I can't battle my wieght, in fact I know thats probably why- I have never been able to put my wall down to others. Now reality has hit me in the face and I have put my wall down to the whole nation! Its funny because when I was working as a substance abuse counseler, I often taught a group about building walls, unhealthy walls. In this group there was a story where a man builds a wall from rocks which were all insecurities or addictions or some defect in his life. It is only with help of a higher power that he is able to tear it down and ask for help. Why can I teach this stuff but not actually incorporate it into my own life. I think I have finally asked for help to tear down my wall and everyone will be able to see!

I have definately started my emotional journey! But I have so much support that I shouldnt have any problems battling this. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and inspiration that I have gotten from my friends, co-workers and family. It is amazing!

Oh the best part of the day- I weighed for the first time since the show- really I cant believe this but I have lost 11lbs and 4.5 inches from my waist! I made my mom find another scale in the house because I didnt believe the first one, but the second one also said 11lbs!!! Super exciting!

~Amanda