reality

So today has been kinda of a weird day! Its been sort of a surreal day. I think that today it has finally hit me that this whole thing is actually real! I know it's stupid of me to even think for one minute that it wasn't real, I mean I saw myself on the show, flew to New York, met Bob and Dr. Oz, but now it's been almost a month. Usually within a month of me starting a diet program I have given up. I usually have not seen the results that I have wanted to see and slowly stop following the program. I allow myself to make excuses and eventually quit. It's weird though because as I think about it now, I really don't have any desire to quit! For the first time in my life I think that I have hope.

At lunch today we were talking about scrap booking of all subjects, and I mentioned that I was saving all my pictures and memorabilia for a scrapbook. She had mentioned that one of her friends who had gastric bypass had done the same thing. For some reason I went to the thought about gastric bypass and the lap band surgery. There for so many years I actually thought that the only way I was ever going to lose weight was by having surgery. I even inquired about taking out an $18,000 loan once just so that I could pay for the surgery. I was so hopeless that I would be fat my whole life and hate myself that I didn't believe that I could actually be motivated enough to get healthy on my own. It makes me sad to think that I was like that just a month ago!

Just a month ago I didn't care about my health. I heard on the radio that most Americans worry the most about money, the last thing they ever worry about is their health. I realized that I was one of those people. Even though its hard not to worry about money sometimes, if you don't have your health then you really don't have to worry about money for much longer. Within just this month I have made my health a priority. Just today I had a thirty minute conversation on cooking healthy and how to bake chicken the most healthy way! I realized that the reality is that I want to be one of those few people that worry about my health and my well being first, I want to make it a priority and I am slowly learning how! It feels really good actually! (I kinda enjoy being a little selfish for once! I mean once I get past the whole guilt thing, but that is slowly fading away!!!)

It's just crazy for me to think that a month ago I was home stuffing my face with whatever I wanted, and today I am 19lbs lighter and thinking about what I eat and do in a completely different light. Everyone continues to tell me how much of an inspiration I am and I am finally starting to believe it. I just don't think it had become real to me yet! It such a crazy feeling, I cant even begin to describe it. Maybe it is the feeling of hope. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I have it!

~Amanda