So this weekend was a blast, I have been stepping out of my comfort level and doing new things. I had a hard week on the scale- I plateaued- I didn't lose anything, but I didn't gain anything either. I think because I was struggling so much with lunch that I really didn't eat very good this week. And I know I cant always lose 5lbs a week anyways. Honestly I'm pretty proud of myself because I'm not too terribly mad. I am happy with my 26lbs so far and Ill try this week to make it to 30!
This weekend I attended the psychic convention in town! It was a lot of fun! I got two readings by two different psychics and both were pretty right on. My tarot cards said that I was rebuilding my life, taking out the pain of past hurt and letting a new center come in to build a better life from the inside out. After this happens I will be a beautiful person and feel completely confident in myself- which is what I'm doing! The other psychic read my energy and said that she saw a lot of travel and a very fast pace life right now. She said that I was also on a path that would lead me to a stage with huge curtains to unveil myself in front of a lot of people. She said that I have been looking at life through binoculars, just watching as a spectator but now I'm finally starting to jump in and enjoy! Which I also thought was pretty right on! It was a lot of fun regardless!
After the psychic fair- I headed over to chubby's to have dinner with the group of people from Missouri that was on the show. It was good to see everyone and everyone is doing great. Deborah- the one with the daughters- she has lost 30lbs so far! She looks great, well everyone looks great! I'm so proud and happy for everyone. You really could just see the sparkle in all our eyes! But I had my reservations about going beforehand. I mean when the show called me this week and told me to meet at Chubby's I was pretty much yelling at one of the producers asking him why? I thought there was nothing healthy at Chubby's at all. I mean 6 weeks ago I would have been all too happy to go, but now, I don't think so! But as we began to order I did realize that there were some healthy options that we could get. I got a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with a side salad with low fat dressing. To our surprise Dr. Oz came out and served our food! He went over our menu choices and talked about our progress. He gave us suggestions of other things that could have been substituted and things that could be asked for as well. It was really nice and he took the time to discuss menu options with us. We had a good time with him!
To wrap the weekend up, I went to the Chiefs game! I was a little hesitant at first because of my last horror story with the Royals! We did tailgate but instead of bringing crap, we brought veggies, fruit and healthy chicken soup. It was delicious, and we had a lot of fun except when it started raining and the Chiefs began losing terribly! Oh well, I think the main thing was that I learned that I could tailgate and do those kinds of events without having anxiety and without eating crap!
I feel like I'm finally coming out from behind my wall again. I have been so active lately and enjoying myself again that I feel so good about myself. I have been missing this in my life for so long. I have finally regained my self confidence again! I know I still have some missing, but it is slowly all coming back!
~Amanda
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
lunch challenges
So this week I have a new challenge: Lunch. I have found that I am getting sick of lunch every day. When it comes lunch time whether its at home or work, I dread going to the kitchen or the cafeteria. Usually I bring my lunch everyday to work, but lately I have not been satisfied with anything that I have been eating or bringing. Veggie burgers are boring and not appetizing to me right now, Im sick of tuna, salads sound gross and Im definately getting sick of jello. I dont know what my deal is. Im in a funk. I dont have a problem with breakfast or dinner. But lunch- is oh so miserable right now!
I think my taste buds are still messed up from all my sinus crap that went on last week, because nothing tastes good. (well at least im hoping its from me being sick!) But unfortunately I think i was kind of anticipating something like this. I mean I have been doing so good for so long- almost 6 weeks and to think that it was all going to be a down hill road was not realistic. I guess I expected some sort of bump in the road, whether it was bad cravings or boredom! But when I really think about it 6 weeks ago i was really eating the same thing over and over. Stopping at the same fast food restaurant each day or eating the same grilled cheese and curly fries in the cafeteria every day would soon get old right? Maybe it was the high fat content or grease content that held its appeal! But why didn't I get bored with that?
I think ultimately it still comes back to my thinking. My mind's upset that I will never be able to have those things again and wanting those things back in my life. My grief over my long lost food is still never ending, as I am still battling with the loss of my bestest friends! I can feel myself actually slipping into a sadness over it- I actually become sad when I know I have to eat lunch. I have felt myself not being my usual happy self. Again a stage in my grief process kicking in. But I think Im slowly learning that food is not everything. Its not all I have in my life anymore. Obviously my huge wealth of family and friends have shown me that! But again, a process that will take time.
So game plan for now- find new lunch ideas. I'm in the process of looking for new food choices for lunch. Any ideas>?
~Amanda
I think my taste buds are still messed up from all my sinus crap that went on last week, because nothing tastes good. (well at least im hoping its from me being sick!) But unfortunately I think i was kind of anticipating something like this. I mean I have been doing so good for so long- almost 6 weeks and to think that it was all going to be a down hill road was not realistic. I guess I expected some sort of bump in the road, whether it was bad cravings or boredom! But when I really think about it 6 weeks ago i was really eating the same thing over and over. Stopping at the same fast food restaurant each day or eating the same grilled cheese and curly fries in the cafeteria every day would soon get old right? Maybe it was the high fat content or grease content that held its appeal! But why didn't I get bored with that?
I think ultimately it still comes back to my thinking. My mind's upset that I will never be able to have those things again and wanting those things back in my life. My grief over my long lost food is still never ending, as I am still battling with the loss of my bestest friends! I can feel myself actually slipping into a sadness over it- I actually become sad when I know I have to eat lunch. I have felt myself not being my usual happy self. Again a stage in my grief process kicking in. But I think Im slowly learning that food is not everything. Its not all I have in my life anymore. Obviously my huge wealth of family and friends have shown me that! But again, a process that will take time.
So game plan for now- find new lunch ideas. I'm in the process of looking for new food choices for lunch. Any ideas>?
~Amanda
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Catching up!
So after my amazing weekend last week with Bob and my thirty day update with the producers, I came down with some sinus/bronchitis crap that really kept me in bed all week. I don't want to say the flu(its the forbidden word right now!) but it really did feel like it! I think because I was so exhausted from the weekend and me being sick, I was so weak that I literally couldn't get out of bed for a couple of days straight. I missed some work and didn't work out or exercise all week. I felt horrible. I honestly didn't even have the strength to take a shower- I know a little gross! I still managed to lose four pounds though- probably because I was too weak to get out of bed to eat! But hey Ill take it! I'm feeling much better now and was back to work on Friday. I was even out in public at a scrapbook thing on Friday and sat! But unfortunately I haven't been able to exercise! But tomorrow is a new week which will put me back on track and I will be able to once again get back to my routine.
I honestly can say that I have felt a little lost without my schedule. Like today I got up and went to church and decided to come home and watch some movies and rest up for work tomorrow. But I have had the urge to eat constantly all day. I haven't but because I am not constantly doing something and have been out of a routine all this week it has been hard for me to control my temptations. I have noticed that once I allow myself to do something a little, I do it to the extreme. Before I was only drinking water, this week because I was sick I started drinking orange juice and now I feel like I need to drink orange juice all the time. I think this shows me that if I were to go back to eating fats and sugars or fast food all the time, I wouldn't stop. Sometimes I find myself saying, well once I lose all my weight I can splurge more and eat this or that, but the reality is I can't. That's why I say over and over this is a lifestyle change not a diet. Because once I start allowing myself to splurge I will keep doing it more and more and soon Ill be back to 295lbs or higher.
Unfortunately the reality of it is that its an addiction. An addiction that I will battle with my whole life. In church today, it was interesting because the pastor was talking about actually standing up and fighting for causes and making a difference in life, rather than just letting life pass you by. With this whole experience I've learned that this is my cause. Obviously I've always been able to help others and advocate for things I believe in, but this is different. I'm actually excited about getting people motivated about making healthy changes. I'm excited to change for the first time in my life. It really feels great.
So tomorrow back to my routine and back to my new way of life!
~Amanda
I honestly can say that I have felt a little lost without my schedule. Like today I got up and went to church and decided to come home and watch some movies and rest up for work tomorrow. But I have had the urge to eat constantly all day. I haven't but because I am not constantly doing something and have been out of a routine all this week it has been hard for me to control my temptations. I have noticed that once I allow myself to do something a little, I do it to the extreme. Before I was only drinking water, this week because I was sick I started drinking orange juice and now I feel like I need to drink orange juice all the time. I think this shows me that if I were to go back to eating fats and sugars or fast food all the time, I wouldn't stop. Sometimes I find myself saying, well once I lose all my weight I can splurge more and eat this or that, but the reality is I can't. That's why I say over and over this is a lifestyle change not a diet. Because once I start allowing myself to splurge I will keep doing it more and more and soon Ill be back to 295lbs or higher.
Unfortunately the reality of it is that its an addiction. An addiction that I will battle with my whole life. In church today, it was interesting because the pastor was talking about actually standing up and fighting for causes and making a difference in life, rather than just letting life pass you by. With this whole experience I've learned that this is my cause. Obviously I've always been able to help others and advocate for things I believe in, but this is different. I'm actually excited about getting people motivated about making healthy changes. I'm excited to change for the first time in my life. It really feels great.
So tomorrow back to my routine and back to my new way of life!
~Amanda
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Amazing!!!!
So I think I just had the most amazing day ever!!! Without spoiling everything I taped my thirty day progress for the Dr. Oz show today. It was great. I think I'm actually speechless! I had been so excited for all the producers to come into town this week and I was so anxious to see them. Although I love Dr. Oz and Bob, I love Dr. Oz's producers too! They have been doing so much behind the seen work with me that has really meant so much to me. The weekly phone calls and the support has continued to motivate me and inspire me to keep going. I was so happy to finally get to see them again! I honestly didn't sleep at all last night- I really had no idea what to expect and boy was I in for a huge surprise!
I was able to incorporate my co-workers in with the taping this time. We taped at the hospital and although they knew exactly what was going on, it was all a surprise to me. As we were taping a special guests appears and I was so overjoyed to see him. There in the hospital was Bob Harper! It was great. I was able to sit down and actually talk to him about what I had been doing over the past thirty days. He was so impressed with the progress I was making. He was so impressed with the support of my co-workers and how I have actually inspired them to start getting healthy as well. The big surprise was going to downtown Kansas City and working out with Bob and tons of people waiting there for us! The support from the crowd was overwhelming.
I am completely taken back by how my life has changed in thirty days. First of all I am now 22lbs lighter! Yay! But there is so much more. I'm doing things that I would have never even dreamed about doing. I am experimenting with healthy foods, I am jogging down the Liberty Memorial, I am exercising everyday, I am actually giving advice on how to eat healthy! Its crazy! I mean honestly if someone would have told me I would be doing this, I don't think I would have believed them! I feel and truly believe that I am a new person! I am so thankful to everyone that is behind me. I truly feel like this is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me! I cant wait to see what the next thirty days will bring!
~Amanda
I was able to incorporate my co-workers in with the taping this time. We taped at the hospital and although they knew exactly what was going on, it was all a surprise to me. As we were taping a special guests appears and I was so overjoyed to see him. There in the hospital was Bob Harper! It was great. I was able to sit down and actually talk to him about what I had been doing over the past thirty days. He was so impressed with the progress I was making. He was so impressed with the support of my co-workers and how I have actually inspired them to start getting healthy as well. The big surprise was going to downtown Kansas City and working out with Bob and tons of people waiting there for us! The support from the crowd was overwhelming.
I am completely taken back by how my life has changed in thirty days. First of all I am now 22lbs lighter! Yay! But there is so much more. I'm doing things that I would have never even dreamed about doing. I am experimenting with healthy foods, I am jogging down the Liberty Memorial, I am exercising everyday, I am actually giving advice on how to eat healthy! Its crazy! I mean honestly if someone would have told me I would be doing this, I don't think I would have believed them! I feel and truly believe that I am a new person! I am so thankful to everyone that is behind me. I truly feel like this is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me! I cant wait to see what the next thirty days will bring!
~Amanda
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
reality
So today has been kinda of a weird day! Its been sort of a surreal day. I think that today it has finally hit me that this whole thing is actually real! I know it's stupid of me to even think for one minute that it wasn't real, I mean I saw myself on the show, flew to New York, met Bob and Dr. Oz, but now it's been almost a month. Usually within a month of me starting a diet program I have given up. I usually have not seen the results that I have wanted to see and slowly stop following the program. I allow myself to make excuses and eventually quit. It's weird though because as I think about it now, I really don't have any desire to quit! For the first time in my life I think that I have hope.
At lunch today we were talking about scrap booking of all subjects, and I mentioned that I was saving all my pictures and memorabilia for a scrapbook. She had mentioned that one of her friends who had gastric bypass had done the same thing. For some reason I went to the thought about gastric bypass and the lap band surgery. There for so many years I actually thought that the only way I was ever going to lose weight was by having surgery. I even inquired about taking out an $18,000 loan once just so that I could pay for the surgery. I was so hopeless that I would be fat my whole life and hate myself that I didn't believe that I could actually be motivated enough to get healthy on my own. It makes me sad to think that I was like that just a month ago!
Just a month ago I didn't care about my health. I heard on the radio that most Americans worry the most about money, the last thing they ever worry about is their health. I realized that I was one of those people. Even though its hard not to worry about money sometimes, if you don't have your health then you really don't have to worry about money for much longer. Within just this month I have made my health a priority. Just today I had a thirty minute conversation on cooking healthy and how to bake chicken the most healthy way! I realized that the reality is that I want to be one of those few people that worry about my health and my well being first, I want to make it a priority and I am slowly learning how! It feels really good actually! (I kinda enjoy being a little selfish for once! I mean once I get past the whole guilt thing, but that is slowly fading away!!!)
It's just crazy for me to think that a month ago I was home stuffing my face with whatever I wanted, and today I am 19lbs lighter and thinking about what I eat and do in a completely different light. Everyone continues to tell me how much of an inspiration I am and I am finally starting to believe it. I just don't think it had become real to me yet! It such a crazy feeling, I cant even begin to describe it. Maybe it is the feeling of hope. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I have it!
~Amanda
At lunch today we were talking about scrap booking of all subjects, and I mentioned that I was saving all my pictures and memorabilia for a scrapbook. She had mentioned that one of her friends who had gastric bypass had done the same thing. For some reason I went to the thought about gastric bypass and the lap band surgery. There for so many years I actually thought that the only way I was ever going to lose weight was by having surgery. I even inquired about taking out an $18,000 loan once just so that I could pay for the surgery. I was so hopeless that I would be fat my whole life and hate myself that I didn't believe that I could actually be motivated enough to get healthy on my own. It makes me sad to think that I was like that just a month ago!
Just a month ago I didn't care about my health. I heard on the radio that most Americans worry the most about money, the last thing they ever worry about is their health. I realized that I was one of those people. Even though its hard not to worry about money sometimes, if you don't have your health then you really don't have to worry about money for much longer. Within just this month I have made my health a priority. Just today I had a thirty minute conversation on cooking healthy and how to bake chicken the most healthy way! I realized that the reality is that I want to be one of those few people that worry about my health and my well being first, I want to make it a priority and I am slowly learning how! It feels really good actually! (I kinda enjoy being a little selfish for once! I mean once I get past the whole guilt thing, but that is slowly fading away!!!)
It's just crazy for me to think that a month ago I was home stuffing my face with whatever I wanted, and today I am 19lbs lighter and thinking about what I eat and do in a completely different light. Everyone continues to tell me how much of an inspiration I am and I am finally starting to believe it. I just don't think it had become real to me yet! It such a crazy feeling, I cant even begin to describe it. Maybe it is the feeling of hope. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I have it!
~Amanda
Sunday, October 4, 2009
birthday!
So this weekend I celebrated my 25th birthday! Unlike my birthdays in the past recent years, it has usually been spent with alcohol and unhealthy foods! However this year was different. I have to say that I had so much fun and I was still really healthy! I have to admit that I was really nervous beforehand but I stuck to my healthy choices and things turned out great!
I decided to go spend the weekend with some friends from college in St. Louis. I really havent spent much time with them in a long time and one of them had bought a house down there recently so I thought it would be a nice time. I really needed the break too. This week work was so stressful. Every evening something was going on and I really needed to just get away from everything. So Friday after my personal training session, which about killed me, I headed out of town with the girls. The girls made fun of me because I had packed along with my clothes and things, my own food to eat as well! Betty, my friend in St. Louis had kindly bought some healthy foods, however just to be sure I went ahead and packed up some carrots, cheerios for breakfast, jello, yogurt and some fruit. But it worked!
Sat was spent shopping and thanks to Victoria Secrets makeup collection testers and a stand that was selling straight irons and curling irons at the mall- we were able to get our hair and make-up done to go out for the night!!! That night I do have to admit I did have one bite of a cupcake that Betty had gotten for me instead of a cake! But other than that I stayed to my healthy eating with no problems. We ended up going salsa dancing which I know had to burn off a lot of calories!!! It was alot of fun and hard work! We left there and went to another dance club and danced until 2:30am. I did have one mojito while salsa dancing, but other than that it was all water. The night ended with a wonderful crisis, as it would have to happen with me! As we were walking to our car a man came and assaulted another man and then ran off. This guy was so drunk that he didn't know what was going on. Of course everyone was freaking out so I called the ambulance and asked everyone to stop screaming!!! I did feel bad for the guy, he peed all over himself and the emt's were making fun of him. But I'm sure he is recovering fine in the hospital or at home by now!
It was just really nice to get away. It was definitely the break that I needed. I worried a lot about the food choices that I made when I was out, however it was easier than I thought. Bringing my own food helped, that way I always had my healthy snacks, and then when we did eat out, I made sure to voice my opinions and asked that it wasn't McDonald's or Taco Bell, but somewhere that I felt comfortable eating and making healthy choices. I was able to eat healthy salads and chicken at any place that we did eat out at. It made me realize that it is getting easier as time goes on. My body is getting used to the healthy stuff! Just that one bite of cupcake and the sweet mojito, made my stomach upset! I'm glad to know that it is getting better!
I decided to go spend the weekend with some friends from college in St. Louis. I really havent spent much time with them in a long time and one of them had bought a house down there recently so I thought it would be a nice time. I really needed the break too. This week work was so stressful. Every evening something was going on and I really needed to just get away from everything. So Friday after my personal training session, which about killed me, I headed out of town with the girls. The girls made fun of me because I had packed along with my clothes and things, my own food to eat as well! Betty, my friend in St. Louis had kindly bought some healthy foods, however just to be sure I went ahead and packed up some carrots, cheerios for breakfast, jello, yogurt and some fruit. But it worked!
Sat was spent shopping and thanks to Victoria Secrets makeup collection testers and a stand that was selling straight irons and curling irons at the mall- we were able to get our hair and make-up done to go out for the night!!! That night I do have to admit I did have one bite of a cupcake that Betty had gotten for me instead of a cake! But other than that I stayed to my healthy eating with no problems. We ended up going salsa dancing which I know had to burn off a lot of calories!!! It was alot of fun and hard work! We left there and went to another dance club and danced until 2:30am. I did have one mojito while salsa dancing, but other than that it was all water. The night ended with a wonderful crisis, as it would have to happen with me! As we were walking to our car a man came and assaulted another man and then ran off. This guy was so drunk that he didn't know what was going on. Of course everyone was freaking out so I called the ambulance and asked everyone to stop screaming!!! I did feel bad for the guy, he peed all over himself and the emt's were making fun of him. But I'm sure he is recovering fine in the hospital or at home by now!
It was just really nice to get away. It was definitely the break that I needed. I worried a lot about the food choices that I made when I was out, however it was easier than I thought. Bringing my own food helped, that way I always had my healthy snacks, and then when we did eat out, I made sure to voice my opinions and asked that it wasn't McDonald's or Taco Bell, but somewhere that I felt comfortable eating and making healthy choices. I was able to eat healthy salads and chicken at any place that we did eat out at. It made me realize that it is getting easier as time goes on. My body is getting used to the healthy stuff! Just that one bite of cupcake and the sweet mojito, made my stomach upset! I'm glad to know that it is getting better!
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